Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hating It Rain.

Missy Elliot is a 5 time Grammy award winner who has sold over 7.6 million records. Terrific, good for her. I can respect a sister with some gold records and statuettes. Today though, we are profiling her because on her 1997 debut record she said "I Can't Stand The Rain" and thusly we have gotten pretty pissed off about that.

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In the song, Missy sings (err, raps?) "I can't stand the rain/'gainst my window". In fact the phrase seems to account for about 85% of the lyrics in the said song. That is a lot of anti rain making sentiment.

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With that said, Missy has made no effort in later works to correct this early flaw of her career. In songs such as "Loose Control", "Get Yr Freak On" and "Gossip Folks" Missy has talked about topics such as loosing weight, getting her snatch licked and made up some sort of goofy language prominently featuring the letter "z". At no point does she talk about making scratch.

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So Missy, we hear that you may have a new album coming out. Please do us all a favor and make it as sweet as all of the other rap songs on the top of the charts. Take a hint from Usher or Ludacris. We do not want to her about dudes licking you. We want to hear about money, money, money.

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Thank you for taking the time to hear us out.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

My Mom.

We all have parents that have ingrained a certain way of life on us. Some of our parents have taught us racially equality, conversely some have taught their children racism. Some parents have pushed athletics on their children while still others have stressed the importance of schooling. Other parents who were dirt poor have shown their children how to be poor. My mom on the other hand is a lot like the million dollar man and flaunts cash like it is no big deal. I suppose that is where I get it from.



For the record, that nerdy kid just thinks my mom was pissed. She was actually totally cool with it.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Gangs.

BUFFALO, N.Y. (WIVB) - - Buffalo Police are issuing a warning for all motorists tonight, Wednesday.

They have credible information that there could be some sort of gang initiation this evening that could include purposely striking vehicles from behind.

Police say if this happens to you, you should stay in your car and call 9-1-1 for help.


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That was the message that was broadcasted all across the greater Buffalo Niagara region last night. Do not get out of your cars if hit from behind because a "gang" is using the tactic to initiate their new members.

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This got me to thinking. What happened to gangs that did sweet shit to initiate their members? You know, like slicing faces, murdering people or taking an ass load of angel dust. Have gangs gotten so suburban that their members crash into people with their suburbans?

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But then it hit me, I thought to myself "Hey, Mitch Little, these gang bangers are wanna be Hayley Love's!" It all makes sense now! It is just a bunch of drunk teenagers in Buffalo looking to get two D.W.I's in one night. I have heard of copy cat murderers but this takes the diamond encrusted cake. Well played out there future ballers. In the hands of someone like Hayley Love I am quite sure that you are all safe.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Song Profile.

In our latest installment of "song profiles" we are looking at "C.R.E.A.M" by Wu-Tang Clan. I have a feeling that this is going to be a good one...

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What that nigga want God?
Word up, look out for the cops (Wu-Tang five finger shit)
(Cash Rules) Word up, two for fives over here baby
Word up, two for fives them niggaz got garbage down the way, word up
KnowhatI'msayin?
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M. get...)
Yeah, check this ol fly shit out
Word up
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me) Take you on a natural joint
(C.R.E.A.M. get the money) Here we here we go
(dolla dolla bill y'all) Check this shit, yo!


Oh baby! This shit starts off pretty awesome. I have a feeling that they are going to be talking an awful lot about making money. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

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I grew up on the crime side, the New York Times side
Staying alive was no jive
At second hands, moms bounced on old men
So then we moved to Shaolin land
A young youth, yo rockin the gold tooth, 'Lo goose
Only way, I begin to gee off was drug loot
And let's start it like this son, rollin with this one
And that one, pullin out gats for fun
But it was just a dream for the teen, who was a fiend
Started smokin woolies at sixteen
And running up in gates, and doing hits for high stakes
Making my way on fire escapes
No question I would speed, for cracks and weed
The combination made my eyes bleed
No question I would flow off, and try to get the dough all
Sticking up white boys in ball courts
My life got no better, same damn 'Lo sweater
Times is ruff and tuff like leather
Figured out I went the wrong route
So I got with a sick ass click and went all out
Catchin keys from across seas
Rollin in MPV's, every week we made forty G's
Yo nigga respect mine, or anger the tech nine
Ch-chick-POW! Move from the gate now


Well played Rakewon. You hit the following "buzz" words which give you points in our eyes.
-Tech nine
-Gats
-Sticking up white boys
-Speed
-Weed

There was some other sweet shit in there too, but if we kept up with that I might as well just copy and paste that entire verse.

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Cash, Rules, Everything, Around, Me
C.R.E.A.M.
Get the money
Dollar, dollar bill y'all


M-E-T-H-O-D MAN! yes,yes,yes.

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It's been twenty-two long hard years of still strugglin
Survival got me buggin, but I'm alive on arrival
I peep at the shape of the streets
And stay awake to the ways of the world cause shit is deep
A man with a dream with plans to make C.R.E.A.M.
Which failed; I went to jail at the age of 15
A young buck sellin drugs and such who never had much
Trying to get a clutch at what I could not... could not...
The court played me short, now I face incarceration
Pacin -- going up state's my destination
Handcuffed in back of a bus, forty of us
Life as a shorty shouldn't be so ruff
But as the world turns I learned life is hell
Living in the world no different from a cell
Everyday I escape from Jakes givin chase, sellin base
Smokin bones in the staircase
Though I don't know why I chose to smoke sess
I guess that's the time when I'm not depressed
But I'm still depressed, and I ask what's it worth?
Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth
Who explained working hard may help you maintain
to learn to overcome the heartaches and pain
We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks
and stray shots, all on the block that stays hot
Leave it up to me while I be living proof
To kick the truth to the young black youth
But shorty's running wild smokin sess drinkin beer
And ain't trying to hear what I'm kickin in his ear
Neglected, but now, but yo, it gots to be accepted
That what? That life is hectic



Inspector Deck made balling sound un-awesome. That is not cool. The game is the game and it 'aint never gonna change, BOR-RING.

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Niggas gots to do what they gotta do, to get a bill
YaknowhatI'msayin?
Cuz we can't just get by no more
Word up, we gotta get over, straight up and down


Time for a babe!

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Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M.
get the money
Dolla dolla bill y'aauhhhaaaauhhhhahhhauhhhhll, YEAH


I have to be honest, of all of the songs we have profiled this one is the most money making tune yet. I mean shit, it is Wu-Tang, it is C.R.E.A.M. . So next time you are out at a bar, find the digital jukebox, download this tune and watch all of the bitches run out of the bar. The only people left will be fellow ballers. Then you can really get down.

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You know what they say, money makes the world go 'round.

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I've Got Your Paycheck On My Goddamned Living Room Floor.

Readers Carl and Eddie sent in this video of them attempting to ball like us.



Close Carl and Eddie, but see the main problem with your video is that you have no babes in it. Sure, you got the money. Whatever, anyone can have cash. I need to see hot ass bitches and some Hennessy to be impressed. Keep at it and maybe one day you two can be real ballers. Don't count on it though.

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Monday, March 24, 2008

Dyngus Day.

If there is one thing that a baller does not need, it is an excuse to party. You know our feelings on the holidays , St. Patty's Day, New Year's Eve and Mardi Gras. We feel those are best left to amateurs. Dyngus Day on the other hand, is the kind of holiday specifically engineered to people like us.

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Now you may not know exactly what Dyngus day is, well thankfully we are here at making it rain want to let you know. Simply put, it is the day after Easter Sunday when people, primarily (but not limited to) of Polish decent get totally fucked up. On this day the dudes beat the chicks with pussy willows and the babes drench dudes with squirt guns. Personally, the other way around makes more sense to me, but hey, who am I to argue with a holiday that is over 1,000 years old.

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Now, due to years of ridicule during elementary school and many jokes that use "Polock" rather than "Blacks" or "Retards" or "Micks" or whatever, well, needless to say Polish women have a lot of insecurities that you can exploit on this holiday.

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So , ladies, if you feel so inclinded you can find me at the parade. I will be the one with the giant wad of cash in one hand, a huge ass beer in the other and a giant boner is his pants.

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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Out To Dinner.

Usually here at making it rain we have a tendency to spend most of our money between the hours of 10pm to 4am. We feel like it is the best time to spend your money for the following reasons.

  • Girls prefer having sex when it is dark out.
  • Day drinking, generally, impedes the amount of shit you can get done at work
  • People are more impressed with you flaunting your cash when they are drunk
  • You forget that you spent the money until the morning
  • Did I mention women are looser?
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With that said last night I decided to change my general Saturday night agenda. I found myself the most beautiful, expensive escort in all of the city and took her to the most extravagant, luxurious restaurant in all of Buffalo, NY.

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Upon our arrival I told the young lady, "Baby, anything you want tonight, you got it." Naturally, she immediately took me to the bathroom and began sucking me off. Thankfully, the restaurant was kind enough to hold our reservation for us while we were in the bathroom. At that point I asked the young man who was serving us to bring us the second most expensive bottle of wine that they had. You see, I didn't want to seem pretentious, I think she found it refreshing.

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So after our ambrosial appetizers, we dined on the most huge ass steaks they had this side of the Mississippi. Actually, come to think of it I think the server mentioned them being from Omaha but I was more concerned with pounding more wine.


and pussy.

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After receiving the bill I handed off my card to the server and shortly there after he brought it back. After leaving the bill out in the open so the shorty I was with could see just how much money I was throwing away at her expense, she noticed that the credit card was charged $50 less than the actual bill. Now most penny pinchers would quickly sign their receipts and get the hell out of there. Not me though. I said

"Garcon, I believe that there is a mistake with the bill, you have undercharged me."

"It seems that way sir" He responded. Needless to say the babe was impressed. We then proceed to do it for like six hours.


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It was pretty cool.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Revealing Our True Identities

As of late many anonymous bloggers have been revealing their true identities to the rest of the world. Some have said it is because it doesn't seem fair that we (bloggers) get to talk mad shit on them (anyone else in the world) and they don't have anything more than a comment board or an email address to respond to. Well, in the light of us making fun of Hayley Love and Elliot Spitzer I wanted them to have names and faces to put to us so that if they wish, they can properly respond.

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Well the time is now. Our names are Mitch Little and Bob-a-Lob. We are seventeen year old aspiring rappers. You can still reach us through the comment board or our email, makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com

enjoy our first video.



The gentleman who joins us at the table for the end of the video is Slim. He is a tremendously awesome money mauler but he is a little too modest to write about it. Also in the video is our dog, his name is Parsons.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Battle of the Ballers.

In the latest installment of Battle of the Ballers we are going to pit two of the biggest, baddest cheddar shredder's since the beginning of time against each other. Now, let it be said, this is quite the historical battle so we are going to have to one's era into account. For example, Babe Ruth hit 54 home runs in 1920, the second closest to him was Cy Williams who hit 15. Now when Alex Rodriguez hit 54 home runs this past season with the New York Yankees his closest competitor for the home run crown was Prince Feilder of the Milwaukee Brewers who hit 50. By contrasting those two seasons it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Babe Ruth was much better, relative to his competition, than A-Rod.

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So lets keep these baseball players in mind before we start this battle. We are going to assume that both of these prospective ballers are making it rain in today's environment that features sluttier women, rap music and flashier cars than in their heyday. Without any further adieu let's break this thing down Dr. Jack style. Babe Ruth against Alex Rodriguez.

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You see what I did there. In the first paragraph I made you think that I was just using those two as an example so that you would better understand. Then I used them for real. HA! Yet I digress. Let's take a look at the following categories.
  • babes scored
  • beers pounded
  • cash made
So here we go. First off, who scored the most babes?

Babe Ruth may or may not have contracted at least four STD's in his lifetime. The odds are that he did. I have done absolutely no research to confirm this but I am not sure if condom's were even invented yet. Plus, if you take into context the era in which Babe scored his babes this becomes all the more impressive. There was this little thing called prohibition going on. Now I don't know if you have ever tried to have sex with a girl when she was sober but, shit man, it is tough. A-Rod on the other hand has been accused of liking "She-male muscular types". Gross. Score one for the Babe.

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Next, beers pounded:

Well I don't know if A-Rod is even allowed to drink beers. With today's training regimen's and all of the steroids that you have to take to be a pro baseball player I don't know if you even have time to pound beers. Or pussies for that matter, but we have already been over that. Babe Ruth is well known for his propensity to get bombed. It is rumored that he once drank 246 beers, 13 bottles of Jack and then had a glass of wine for dessert. It was either him or Andre the Giant but I am sure that I heard it about one of them.

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Next, who has the most cheddar?

Well, Ruth was sold from the Boston Red Sox to the New York Yankees in 1919 for $125,000. A-Rod just signed his second contract that will net him no less than $250 million over the next ten years. Ummmm...... Well, without getting all technical with inflation rates on you, A-Rod has mad cash. Ruth 'aint got shit. If they were to go to the Emerald Club today A-Rod could afford like 20 five diamond sluts. Ruth would spend his money on hot dogs and hand jobs. A-Rod is totally the winner on this one.

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And with a total of two wins to one, Babe Ruth is the superior baller. On both kinds of diamonds. A-Rod can take solace in the fact that he has enough cash that he has to come up with creative ways to use it.

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Weekly Million Dollar Man Video.

He sounds very angry in this interview. I think that he might have ingested some expensive steroids before this was shot. Yeah, I am pretty positive about that.




Money isn't everything, it is the only thing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

How To Alienate People.

Often times I like to go out and enjoy a few drinks. Any long time reader knows that. When you do this as often as I do though, it gets difficult from time to time to find new and exciting ways to spend money. So yesterday while I was at work I decided to organize a party for one of my employee's who will be leaving the company at the end of the week.

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So I arrived at a local tavern a little early just so that I could let the bartender know that it might be in his best interest to test his fire extinguisher before the party gets started. The bartender gave me a knowing smile and said, "Don't worry sure, I remember you from last week, I tested it as soon as I saw your car."

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So after making sure that the bartender had all of the tools that are imperative in putting out fires; Then I had to begin thinking to myself, how can I remind that even though we are outside of work that I am still their boss?

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Then it hit me. What better way to show you are a baller than reminding everyone else at work how much more you make than them! Now I know what you are thinking. Paying for the drinks all night, that seems like a nice thing to do. Well, maybe. The trick is when they thank you to say things like "oh, it's just money" or "I make at least three times what you make, don't worry about it!"

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When I decided that I had spent a suitable amount of money, I found the most beautiful woman in the bar, left my co workers, and asked her to leave with me. Naturally she obliged. I don't think I need to tell you what I did to her.

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Song Profile.

The Song "Love In The Club" by Usher featuring Young Jeezy currently sits atop the Billboard hot 100 charts. We here at making it rain are going to analyze the lyrics to determine if this song rules.

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I do it for the ladies
I gotta keep it hood
Where we at Polo? ('EY)
I see you right
Yo Keith You was right
We just gettin started
YEAHHHHHH MAN


Well this is hardly the auspicious start that I had hoped for....

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You say you searching for somebody
That'll take you out and do you right
Well come here baby and let daddy show you what it feel like
You know all you gotta do is tell me what you sippin' on (sippin on sippin on) (ey)
And I promise that I’m gonna keep it comin’ all night long
Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side
And I think miss shorty I’ve got a thing for you
Doin’ it on purpose Windin and workin’ it
I can tell by the way you lookin’ at me girl


Alright now this is alright. Talking about buying a shorty drinks ALL night long, getting her real drunk and then it sounds like he is going to do her super hard. This verse is is approved by MakingItRain.

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I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)


Well, my feelings are that he should be saying "I want to do your right now in this club" but I guess that some ladies don't like being spoken to like that. oh well.

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(Listen) Got some friends rollin’ wit you baby then thats cool (thats cool, thats cool)
You can leave em wit my niggaz let em know that I got you (got u, got u)
If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind (my mind, my mind)
Cos the way you staring miss you got me wantin to give it to you all night
Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side
I cant take it no more baby im comin for
(editors note: this should say on, not in, don't you think?) you
You keep doin’ it on purpose whindin and workin’ it
If we close our eyes it could be just me and you


I like his thinking here. Usher is a nice dude. In fact he is a lot like me. How? Well, since you are asking let me tell you. Like myself, Usher has tons of babes wanting to do him all of the time. Like Usher, I often times pass some of my extra babes off to my friends. The woman aren't as pleased but my friends couldn't be happier. And that is what nice dudes like Usher and I do for our friends.

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I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)


I have already made my feelings on this part pretty clear. Here is a hot babe

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POLO YOU A FOOL FOR THIS ONE HOMIE
IM ON EM, YEAHHHH
LETS GO!!
I’m what you want, I’m what you need
He got you trapped, I’ll set you free
Sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally
I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me
It’s going down on isle 3. I’ll bag you like some groceries
And every time you think about it you gon’ want some more of me
Bout to hit the club, make a movie yeah rated R
Pulled up like a trap star, thats if you had
(in the car) Have you ever made love to a thug in the club with his sights on?
87 Jeans and a fresh pair of Nikes on
On the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor
You can meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m tryna go


hehehehe. Young Jeezy is awesome! I love rap music.

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Might as well give me a kiss, if we keep touchin like this
i know you scared baby, They dont know what we doin
Lets both get undressed right here, keep it up girl i swear, imma give it to you non stop
and i dont care, who's watchin...watchin...watchin
(watchin watchin...ohhhh...in this club, on the floor, baby's just makin love)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
(lovin in...lovin in this club. 'eyyy...yea...ey..ey..love...in the club..in the club, ur the one, can u freak me babe?)


I think that is is spectacular that the children of today can listen to this on the radio. This is going to influience all 13 year old girls to become whores and all 13 year old boys to become total ballers who love doing whores. America, I like the way you are looking. MakingItRain has decided that this song is more than tolerable. Nice job Usher and Young Jeezy.

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Aren't You Glad We Didn't Go To High School Here?

BOR-RING!!!!!






This immediately becomes reason number 46 that I am glad I did not grow up in Waterloo. Right in between reason number 45, no hot chicks and number 47, fiscal responsibility. Reason number 1, naturally, is that I hear that the Mountie's up there are known to give up to three dwi's to drivers in one night! Good thing Hayley doesn't live up there!

Monday, March 17, 2008

St. Patrick's Day.

On days like today ballers like the writers here at MakingItRain have a tendencey to sort of take the day off. We feel as if the act of rain making is better left to professionals like ourselves. When you have amateur rain makers out there things can get a little dangerous.

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Yesterday was the annual St. Patricks Day Parade in Buffalo, New York. This event will usually bring out anywhere from 75,000 to 100,000 people according to the Buffalo News. Which is pretty much the entire population of Buffalo. Drinking generally commences around 9am and goes from anywhere to 10am to 7am the next day. Generally, I would give a 21 hour drinking binge two thumbs up. Think of all of the money you would have to spend drinking that much. Plus I am not even sure someone could drink for that long so the odds are they took a break around Midnight to score a babe or two. Again, I would refer to those actions as totally sweet.

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There is one shorty though who might have to take the honors for the most crazy bitch in the greater Buffalo area from the St. Patty's day holiday. Mind you, we do not condone the actions of this woman but shiiiiiiiiiit you have gotta be some kind of bad ass to get away with this.

http://www.buffalonews.com/258/story/301538.html

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She got two dwi's in one night. First off, I want to state that in no way do we condone drunk driving. When you have as much scratch as us you can afford to take a limo wherever you want. It is not a big deal. Now that we have that out of the way, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I mean, how do you even do that? Don't they send you to jail after your first one? So after she gets her first DWI she goes to pick up her boyfriend and the two of them break into her boyfriends mother's house!?!? That is crazy. I mean, I guess that if you are drunk enough to break into your possible one day mother in law's house and you are driving that you may deserve a DWI, but, man, this is just too funny.

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So here is to you Hayley Love, I hope that your lawyers can roll these two charges into one. Think of it like when you get a parking ticket. You should have just left that DWI ticket on your windshield then maybe you would have only gotten one.