How To Alienate People.

Often times I like to go out and enjoy a few drinks. Any long time reader knows that. When you do this as often as I do though, it gets difficult from time to time to find new and exciting ways to spend money. So yesterday while I was at work I decided to organize a party for one of my employee's who will be leaving the company at the end of the week.



So I arrived at a local tavern a little early just so that I could let the bartender know that it might be in his best interest to test his fire extinguisher before the party gets started. The bartender gave me a knowing smile and said, "Don't worry sure, I remember you from last week, I tested it as soon as I saw your car."



So after making sure that the bartender had all of the tools that are imperative in putting out fires; Then I had to begin thinking to myself, how can I remind that even though we are outside of work that I am still their boss?



Then it hit me. What better way to show you are a baller than reminding everyone else at work how much more you make than them! Now I know what you are thinking. Paying for the drinks all night, that seems like a nice thing to do. Well, maybe. The trick is when they thank you to say things like "oh, it's just money" or "I make at least three times what you make, don't worry about it!"



When I decided that I had spent a suitable amount of money, I found the most beautiful woman in the bar, left my co workers, and asked her to leave with me. Naturally she obliged. I don't think I need to tell you what I did to her.

You Know The Saying...

When you were growing up I am sure that you heard this saying before, "March, comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb". Well I am here to tell you today, March 1st 2008, my goal is to do just that.



I think I will start my night off with a couple of buddies and a little pre-gaming for the night. You may have heard of the drinking game "Power Hour" where you take a shot of beer every sixty seconds for an hour. Well, he have a game sort of like that too. Rather than using a $3.99 six pack of stroh's like most penny pinchers we use a big ass bottle of maker's mark.




After getting suitably "buzzed" my friends and I will play some video games. In fact my friend Damien recently spend much of his hard earned cash on some popular electronics that will play with tonight and then probably smash with sledgehammers to amuse ourselves.



After smashing shit I think we will go out for a while and I will fulfill the age old adage of March. Yep, you bet your ass I will be coming like a lion!

Baller Actitivies.

Last night myself and a couple of my fellow money maulers were sitting around sipping on some yak when we thought to ourselves, "dudes, why don't we hit up the town and show this sad community what it means to burn through some cash". Now as a veteran of such activities I have found there are many ways to show off your cash. You can do something as simple as just burning it in front of homeless people or something as elaborate and blowing your nose with it and then setting it on fire in front of a homeless man.



None of those ideas really seemed to fun last night so my friends and I decided to play an old favourite game of ours. It requires such skills as spending money, getting drunk and the ability to fiercely compete. It is known quite simply as "bar golf".



The game is very simple. Here are the basic rules. You draw up a course of nine bars. Each bar has a par, "or average drinks required" of two. If you drink three drinks you get a birdie, four is an eagle, etc. If you have only one drink you get a bogey. If you understand the rules of golf this should come quite easily to you. You and your peers decide how long to spend at each bar while you are there. If the bar is full of duds you may only stay for a "happy meal", also known as a shot and a beer, but if there are a ton of shorties on the course it may prove advantageous to stay for a while.



Needless to say, a lot of awesome things can happen while playing this game. Strategy comes into play around the fourth hole. At this point you may want to start ripping shots like crazy in an attempt to get ahead. This plan of action is dangerous but since par for each bar is only two drinks you will not be penalized too badly if you pass out. Who am I kidding, pass out? Ha. What I meant to say was find a shorty who snuck into the bathroom behind you because she couldn't stand looking at you without ripping her clothes off and having sex with you for one second longer.



man, chicks are nuts.