The Derby.

As has been documented before, we here at making it rain are big fans of playing the ponies. It takes all of the best things in life and puts them into one, tiny, smoke filled room. It is something to behold.



Well, no one horse racing event epitomizes this lighting in a bottle of rain making like the Kentucky Derby. It is the most famous horse race in all of the land. Taking twenty, tall stallions from across this wonderful land and while they are whippped, poked and prodded, there are wealthy white men who are wasting their wages in an effort to look wise while wondering about their wives weird and wild wardrobes. It is wonderful.



See the thing about the Derby is that these women wear the goofiest hats. I don't get it. But if there is one thing that a rain maker knows it is this; when a shorty spends a lot of money to dress up, she wants to sex it up. It is a fact. The more money a lady spends on an outfit the more likely she is to put out.



So gents, after hitting that trifecta tomorrow remember to find the shorty who looks to have spent the most on her outfit. Tell her to forget about her husband and come back to your place. The odds are that she has had enough mint juleps to agree. This is when you have sex with her. It will be great.

Becoming More Environmentally Conscious

The other day I watched the movie An Inconvenient Truth directed by former Vice President Al Gore. While watching this movie I became increasingly interested in the environment and what the future holds for my children and my children's children. I mean, the movement is called "Going Green" and money is green so I thought maybe this would be cool.



While watching to movie I learned many interesting facts. For example, did you know that carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere and temperatures are rising!!! Oh no, I sure hope that lighting $100 bills to light my cigarette isn't harmful to the environment!!



Also it it is alleged in the film that that malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level. I am not quite sure what that has to do with global warming but it is upsetting just the same!



Or did you know that the number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years? Well, the truth is that is not really any surprise to me, you know, with all of the rain making that we are making happen.



Happy April Fool's day you stupid fucks. Don't worry, we will never give a shit about the environment.

Dyngus Day.

If there is one thing that a baller does not need, it is an excuse to party. You know our feelings on the holidays , St. Patty's Day, New Year's Eve and Mardi Gras. We feel those are best left to amateurs. Dyngus Day on the other hand, is the kind of holiday specifically engineered to people like us.



Now you may not know exactly what Dyngus day is, well thankfully we are here at making it rain want to let you know. Simply put, it is the day after Easter Sunday when people, primarily (but not limited to) of Polish decent get totally fucked up. On this day the dudes beat the chicks with pussy willows and the babes drench dudes with squirt guns. Personally, the other way around makes more sense to me, but hey, who am I to argue with a holiday that is over 1,000 years old.



Now, due to years of ridicule during elementary school and many jokes that use "Polock" rather than "Blacks" or "Retards" or "Micks" or whatever, well, needless to say Polish women have a lot of insecurities that you can exploit on this holiday.



So , ladies, if you feel so inclinded you can find me at the parade. I will be the one with the giant wad of cash in one hand, a huge ass beer in the other and a giant boner is his pants.

St. Patrick's Day.

On days like today ballers like the writers here at MakingItRain have a tendencey to sort of take the day off. We feel as if the act of rain making is better left to professionals like ourselves. When you have amateur rain makers out there things can get a little dangerous.



Yesterday was the annual St. Patricks Day Parade in Buffalo, New York. This event will usually bring out anywhere from 75,000 to 100,000 people according to the Buffalo News. Which is pretty much the entire population of Buffalo. Drinking generally commences around 9am and goes from anywhere to 10am to 7am the next day. Generally, I would give a 21 hour drinking binge two thumbs up. Think of all of the money you would have to spend drinking that much. Plus I am not even sure someone could drink for that long so the odds are they took a break around Midnight to score a babe or two. Again, I would refer to those actions as totally sweet.



There is one shorty though who might have to take the honors for the most crazy bitch in the greater Buffalo area from the St. Patty's day holiday. Mind you, we do not condone the actions of this woman but shiiiiiiiiiit you have gotta be some kind of bad ass to get away with this.

http://www.buffalonews.com/258/story/301538.html



She got two dwi's in one night. First off, I want to state that in no way do we condone drunk driving. When you have as much scratch as us you can afford to take a limo wherever you want. It is not a big deal. Now that we have that out of the way, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I mean, how do you even do that? Don't they send you to jail after your first one? So after she gets her first DWI she goes to pick up her boyfriend and the two of them break into her boyfriends mother's house!?!? That is crazy. I mean, I guess that if you are drunk enough to break into your possible one day mother in law's house and you are driving that you may deserve a DWI, but, man, this is just too funny.



So here is to you Hayley Love, I hope that your lawyers can roll these two charges into one. Think of it like when you get a parking ticket. You should have just left that DWI ticket on your windshield then maybe you would have only gotten one.

A Holiday Hero.

We here at makiing it rain have taken quite a long break from our writing. Worry not minions, at no point did we ever stop making it rain. Our trails have taken us from Portland, OR to Scranton, Pa. From Buffalo, NY to Washington DC. From NYC to Louisville, KY and just about everywhere inbetween. During these travels there was one person who we were trying to live up to. There is really only one dude who is bad enough to toss around bills to the ground at a quicker pace than like sub prime morgatge lending rates. That man, possibly, is the only dude who can both literally and figuretivley make it rain.



My man, J.C. With his birthday coming up and all we figured it is about time to honor the first man to really, really make it rain.



Long before we came around there was pacman jones. Before pacman came James Brown. Before James Brown came Leon Trotsky(the man left for mexico and lived on the beach for the rest of his life). Before Trotsky came this guy....



And before little asian dudes tossing around twenties like his name was method man there was the big man, JC.
Merry Christmas, cheddar shredders.