Monday, August 20, 2007

Vacation (Part I)

So the other day after slaving most of my way away to the man i decided to kill sometime on the old internet. I regularly read many news blogs, econ blogs and things of the like so that i am kept updated on such current events as the political climate of Sierra Leone or if the bush twins have been caught doing anything sexy recently.
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So imagine my surprise when i stumbled across this chart about young people's drinking habits in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

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So I hopped on the next plane and decided it was time to show that town how to be a money mauler.
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My first stop was a local shop where i asked the woman behind the counter who the richest, most famous man in minneapolis was. She told me the man's name was Carl Pohland, the owner of the minnesota twins. I said, "wrong answer bitch, you are looking at him!"
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After being escorted out of the store, I went to a local brew pub and ordered the most expensive beer that they had. From there I began discussing how pitiful their basketball team would be without kevin garnett and then i told them that their football team of choice was truly mediocre!
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Then I put twenty dollar bills in front of my eyes and ran out of the bar like a fucking maniac!
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At this time i went to a local 5 star hotel that i noticed had quite a nice water park. I thought, what better place to find some bitch to suck my dick.
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Believe it or not I ran into another problem while i was at the swimming pool. So i was just swimming around, flexing and showing all of the babes in the pool what a giant wad of cash that i had in my shorts when all of a sudden the drain got clogged...
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Thursday, August 9, 2007

money, money, money, money, moneeeeey

todd gotmon?....more like ted dibiase!

everyone has price...everyone's gotta pay
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big game huntin'

When you have more money than you know what do with the little things in life no longer amuse you. The big game hunters of the days of yore definetely noticed this.
Throughout history, hunting was seen as a source of providing food for ones family.
But what if you already have enough money to eat caviar for every meal and you still have a lingering blood lust... You buy a big ass gun and plane trip to Africa and go kill some shit for fun.

Take a look at one of America's most beloved novelists, Ernest Hemmingway. A man mostly known for his understated writing style ultimately couldn't contain his machismo and had to express his manly hood with big ass gun. This guy wrote books about killing stuff! It must have made him a fortune too because he was able to afford killing the most exotic of animals for sport. And when he got bored of killing leopards and catching marlin he decided that it was time to hunt the ultimate game, himself.

I can definetely agree with his lifestyle because when you try one thing you always want something better and more expensive. This goes the same for drinks, entertainment, women, and even food. That is why during my trip to the local pizza parlor, which you may not think would provide anything delectable to dine on, I decided that I should eat only toppings made with beasts that could eat me.
I saw Pepporoni, I saw Veggie, but then I saw Alligator and I knew I must consume it.
Sure it was expensive but what tastes better than letting all the man eaters out there know that you just ate their mother for lunch.

What's next? Shark sushi...Lion tacos.