So it was brought to my attention to me by one of my fellow writers here at making it rain that I am doing something especially foolish with money. When he says foolish, naturally, he means totally awesome. Though you internet folk out there might think of it as a flagrant display of wasting cash. I tend to think of it more as the former. You may think of it as the later. Before you make up your mind though, I think that you should hear me out.
So here is the story. As mentioned in earlier posts I do not much care for paying bills. I much prefer spending my money on top shelf alcohol, alligator pizza and the finest escorts in all of Buffalo. With that said, upon moving into my luxurious home in the swankiest part of town I had more important things on my mind that putting the electric into my name, y'know what I mean?
So fast forward eighteen months. I get a letter addressed to "occupant" asking my to pay my electric bill. To paraphrase my friend, the late great, Marcel Marceau "fuck that!".
So at this point I thought to myself, "Marcel is right, Fuck that! I'm Moving out!" So I began gathering my belongings when I thought to myself about how much I don't like moving. I mean I work all day, why should I have to come home and move shit to a new apartment? That does not sound like fun at all. So I decided just to leave a bunch of shit there.
So then I thought, shit man, I bet that I would sound really cool to chicks if I told them that I had two places. It was at that time that I decided to pay for two apartments. One for my more quiet reserved life. Which, lets be honest, doesn't get used very much. Then the other, much more empty, apartment with nothing but empty cans and used condoms strewn about the floor.
So, ladies, if you want to come back to one of my places tonight, well, you can just let me know.