I Really Need A Drink.

Sorry for the lack of updates this weekend. I was busy getting drunk and scoring bases. I know, surprise, surprise, right? Anyway, I really need a drink right now so all you, our loyal readers, get today is a youtube clip.



And for the record, yes, that man is a waste basket that the man is throwing his money into. I might as well do the same tonight, but instead I am going to throw it at a bartender while I get shitfaced.

Everybody's Got A Price.

The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase has no need for Sweet Saphire. His only need is to remind peons like Dusty Rhodes as to how rich he is.

Mount Baller's Most Famous...

Today, the man who brought the term "maing it rain" to the masses, found out that he is going to be getting a new address. According to ESPN.com Adam "Pacman" Jones has been traded from the Tennessee Titans to the Dallas Cowboys.



Pacman is famous for being a NFL star who was a first round draft choice and has blazing speed. Though, we would argue that he is more famous for being in Las Vegas over the 2007 NBA All-All Star weekend when he decided to stop by a strip club for some entertainment.



Pacman walked into the strip club with $81,000 in one dollar bills. While at the bar he started throwing the one dollar bills on the women creating the effect of "rain" on these women. The Making It Rain writers were impressed. We immediately went across the border to Canada and began imitating this. The strippers were impressed. We then had sex with them. After that, we started this blog. It was a life changing event.



Now that we are famous writers who have music videos and a book deal, well, we figured the least we could do it mention the trade of Mr. Jones. You are as influential to us as Ted Diabiase with the added bonus that you are still in the news on an almost weekly basis. I believe that you are the only person who spends more time in strip clubs that us. For that alone you are a baller. Lets hope that there are tons of loose women is Dallas for you to make it rain on. Godspeed Pac Man, Godspeed.

Baller Or Bust?

From his debut in feature film in 1973 until the end of the television series in 1978 Lee Majors was the Six Million Dollar Man, my question before knowing anything about the show other than its name is does he deserve this title?




After a quick search of the popular website Wikipedia I have learned that Lee Majors played a character known as Steve Austin. This character got messed up in some sort of accident and became a bionic man of sorts. I don't quite understand how this makes him a millionaire so I decided to continue reading.



Here is part of the "stub" from Wikepedia that seemed long and boring and has nothing to do with money.
"A number of changes had to be made to Caidin’s version of the character to make him work for television. In the original novels, Austin was a cold-blooded killer, while the TV version rarely killed after his status as a childhood hero had been realized, and in fact Austin explicitly states his opposition to killing in the pilot film.

A number of changes to Austin’s bionics were also made. In the novel, Austin’s left arm, not his right, was the bionic one. Also, the arm was little more than a superpowered battering ram and not as complex as the TV version. Austin was blind in his bionic eye in the books, which was simply used as alternately a camera or a laser, and was removable. The book version of Steve Austin had some abilities the TV version lacked, such as a radio transmitter contained within a rib, a steel-reinforced skull that made it impossible for him to be knocked out with a blow to the head, and a CO2-powered poison dart gun in one of his bionic fingers which the literary version of Austin often used to eliminate bad guys."
Got that? good, because I see nothing at all about money. Why on earth is this guy known as The Six Million Dollar man? I just don't get it.



Without delving further into this "stub" I am going to go ahead and decide that both the charachter "Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man" and Lee Majors are not cheddar shredders. I think the the title of this show was very misleading and if I was of the litigious nature I would totally sue the man who created this program. Thankfully, I am not, fore I am way too busy getting drunk, spending money and hitting on chicks to do that.



Yeah, sure, we'll see about that, baby.

Book Deal.

Like many other popular "bloggers" we were recently offered a book deal. It is pretty cool. Please take the time to watch this commercial that we did. This should be airing on public access stations across the country any day now. A book tour will commence this summer with stops from coast to coast.



Now you may have noticed that our names are not listed as Mitch Little and Bob-A-Lob. Well, yeah, I don't know how they messed that up.

Ways To Score Babes.

It is like 80 degrees today in Buffalo, New York. Colour me excited. I am going to spend the next fourteen hours prepping myself for sex with a stranger. Let me tell you how I am going to do so.



After finishing this post, I am going to leave work, at which time I am going to join some friends in a local park. While I am there I am going to find an old woman and steal her dog. With this dog I am going to approach hot babes and and tell them how I love it. I will then give babes my phone number and tell them to call me later if they would like "a couple of drinks".



Then I am going to start pounding beers with some buddies on a nice patio. We will get super bombed and spend a ton of cash while doing so. Many women will be impressed at this time. I will suggest that they take a number because there are so many babes that want to do me. All of the babes will oblige because their desire to do me overwhelms any small principals that they may have involving their sexuality.



I will do my best to do every babe that wants to do me. Hopefully I can finish doing all of these chicks by Monday because Mondays are usually pretty busy for me at work. Ah, who gives a fuck, I can sleep all week if I need to.

Black Out Blues

Spending money is excellent. It enables you to do many wonderful things and provides opportunities that poor people will never, ever experience. However there is one, rather obvious, downside to spending copious amounts of cash on extravagant things. Especially if one of those items is an excess of alcohol.



The beauty of alcohol is that it gives you confidence, good looks, impaired eye sight and makes you super sexy. Sadly though, when consumed in excess (what other way is there?), makes you forget all of the cool shit that you did the night before.



So often times I get phone calls from friends of mine during the morning who are looking to reminisce on the previous nights happenings. Thankfully I have friends like this, other wise I wouldn't know half of the cool shit that I do.



Take for example last week, I was just hanging out drinking and spending when without even realizing it until the next morning I had partaken in and won a bet for $20. Awesome. Or, believe it or not this happens quite often , I will wake up around 6am to take a piss and there will be a woman I don't even know in the bed! oh man, I hope that I wore a condom!



I guess it is really a chicken or the egg question. Is it better to remember the awesome shit that you do and be sober or is it better to get shit faced and hope that your friends remember the awesome shit that you do? I will always opt for the later. Some of my friends are poor and cannot afford to get as drunk as me. I will count on them to remember the details. I will buy them a beer for efforts.

Tax Time.

Of course I am going to post an I.R.S. video today. We helped you last month with some last minute tax tips. Today, being the last day to file your taxes without severe penalties. I kind of wish that I had just saved that video for today but I thought it was too funny to hold onto until today. Instead, you get this piece of gold, I.R.S. with Jerry Lawler in the King's Court.



Everybody knows that the Undertaker is a tax cheat...

Best Of Buffalo

Tonight is the 14th annual "Artvoice" Best of Buffalo award ceremony. The show brings together the best of food, drink, "style", and people, among other things, in this wonderful city. Needless to say, as the best sex machine/money mauler in Buffalo I will be in attendance.



So you can imagine my surprise when I opened this week's local Artvoice newspaper and I didn't see any mention of my name in it. Worse yet, there were no categories for "Most awesome waste of cash", "Dude who got the most wasted" or "Guy who layed pipe on the most babes"!



At that time is when I decided that I would be "crashing" the party tonight. Now, a man of my wealth, fame and good looks is never actually crashing a party. In fact, more often than not, my invitation is just forgotten in the mail (fucking postal service). So as I was preparing this post to tell you how I would be going to the Best Of Buffalo party in an effort to rectify the glaring omission of leaving my name off of the ballot, I found something wonderful. I searched best of buffalo and I found pictures of some real hot chicks. Which got me excited. I mean, if they are going to be there, then I can do them and the judges will see how awesome I am! A foolproof plan if I have ever heard one.



So babes, (cough Kim Alexis, cough)I will be the especially drunk guy at Artvoice's Best Of Buffalo tonight. I will be flaunting cash and, more than likely, having sex in the bathroom of the Town Ballroom tonight. And yes, it will be the ladies bathroom.

With The Weather Breaking...

The winters in Buffalo, NY are as long as they are hard. Meteorologist would have you believe that is starts snowing in October and doesn't stop until May. Where as we do get snow in both October and May there are no less than six days in between where the skies are clear and the flurries stay in their cloudy homes.



So when spring arrives most Buffaloanians celebrate by getting wasted for like 3 weeks straight, myself included. That is why our posts have been a little bit more sparse in these parts the past week or two. I have been pretty busy getting totally shitfaced and macking chicks; but rather than doing it inside of a bar, I am now doing it on a patio and the women have less clothes on. Which is sweet.



So the posting may not be as prolific as it has been during these colder months, but in turn there are way more people out who will be impressed with our spending. Also it is a proven fact that babes are like 114% hornier during the summer.



Also, with sluts abounding, the odds of totally hilarious stories to tell you, the reader, increases exponentially. So enjoy the nice weather, we plan on doing the same. Though, to be honest, I am sure that our summers are going to be way sexier than yours.