helping the ladies...

Dear babes,
I know that many of you lovely ladies scour the missed connections section of the pouplar website craig's list when you are looking for love. Well, today we are going to help you out so that you don't have to look for nerds online. After this advice you will be able to walk into the finest strip club and pick up and baller of your choosing.




First thing is first. If you are fat, loose some weight. No cheddar shredder wants a cash cow hanging on his arm. Don't get me wrong, we are not encouraging anorexia, and we definitely do not approve of bulimia, but just drink a diet coke and eat a salad. We are even cool with buying you cocaine, just drop those lbs.




Next, we love huge boobs. I do not believe that needs much more explaining.



Another thing that will help you is if you are into weird sexual deviances. Mind you, I am not talking about super weird shit like taking pisses on one another but I don't know, say that you have like 450 friends and they, well, i dont know....




yeah... that could keep a money masher busy for a couple of hours.

I really don't know what to make of this...

The company Geico brings up mixed feelings for me. On one hand, they have come into the greater Western New York area and created high paying jobs so that I have acquaintances with whom I can callously spend cash. On the other hand their commercials interrupt my wildly sexual dreams with ones of fear. I do not care for this.




I mean sure, I get the joke. So easy a caveman could do it, but shit man, you have been doing the same ad for the past four years. The American public, while mostly consisting of dipshits, houses many well read, educated young men such as myself and myself. The worst part is babes like these commercials! Can you believe that? I find it nearly as offensive as that one shorty Jerry Seinfeld used to date who loved those docker's commercials. What an uneducated wench!





I was always able to deal with these commercials though. I mean, when watching network television, which is created for the "masses", there are certain trade off's one must make. Normally, I refrain from such activities but I like to keep and eye on some of the sporting event's that I wager enormous amounts of money on. Sadly, while doing so I have to suffer through some of these advertisement's which make me dumber by the second.



Now though, now geico has taken it too far. While attempting to increase my knowledge database by cruising wikipedia's random article feature I came across something most disconcerting. The "Geico caveman" page. This page took me to this link,

http://www.cavemanscrib.com


This is some really disturbing shit. If I even get tricked into watching something like that again I am quitting the internet. That is that. Fuck Geico, fuck them right in their "ironic" asses.






and yes, if you were wondering the main purpose of this post was so that I didn't have to look at that guy's asshole anymore when the page first loads.

Hating it rain.

Hating it rain is one of our more popular features here at making it rain. Today we are profiling turn of the century muckaraker Jacob Riis. Jacob Riis is, as far as I am concerned, an asshole.



Now I realize that is a very strong statement to make, I do. It may, in one's opinion, in fact be sacrilege to those who have recently immigrated to America who have him to thank for the fact that they don't live in absolute squander. His books and photo essay's including "how the other half lives" paved the way for social change in America. He was not all good though. Thankfully, I am here to tell you how it really went down.



Jacob Riis came to America at the age of 21 in the year of 1870. He arrived in America with other large groups of immigrants who flooded urban areas in the years following the Civil War seeking prosperity in the more industrialized environment of the United States. There was seriously like 25 million people all moving to urban centers in America trying to get paid.



But no, these poor immigrants were not to get paid! ahahahahahhaha. In fact the demographics of American urban centers grew so huge that the more the immigrants arrived the more problems arose due to even the largest cities in the United States not having enough space to house them. So, Riis found himself just another poor immigrant in New York. Now I am quoting his wikipedia page here so I can only hope that this is true, "His only companion was a stray dog he met shortly after his arrival. The dog brought him inspiration and when a police officer mercilessly beat it to death, Riis was devastated. One of his personal victories, he later confessed, was not using his eventual fame to ruin the career of the offending officer. Riis spent most of his nights in police-run poor houses, whose conditions were so ghastly that Riis dedicated himself to having them shut down."



So what I have gathered here is that Jacob Riis, who lived in , albiet slummy, police housing when he first arrived in america claims that he didn't want to pay the police department back. Well, well, well. I hate to break it to you Jacob but guess what? When you closed down all of those police shanty towns you did ruin the said police officers life. He no longer had a job. I even heard that he killed himself and his entire family because he was so insecure in the fact that he was unable to pay for his family to eat or to pay the bills . This fate may have been avoided had there been low rent housing made available by the police, but no, that wasn't the case anymore. Thanks a lot Mr. Riis.



asshole.

Future Ballers?

Would you believe that the second richest man in the world is from mexico? Seriously. Mexico. The man's name is Carlos Slim, which albiet is a pretty awesome name, this man is worth in excess of $59 billion dollars and he is from Mexico City!



It really makes you think about things. If a guy from Mexico can accumulate something like $60 billion dollars it is very encouraging to other people from very poor countries. Think about it, if you are a beggared youth from some impoverished country that you too have a chance to be a total baller. On top of it all, Carlos Slim is an a fat dude!!!



So what I wanted to do today was take a look at prospective ballers in upcoming generations.



Ho Chi Vatthana is an aspiring billionaire from Laos. Ho Chi is quickly becoming of of the top animal skinner in all of a growing Loasian population. He is currently in dissucions with several Vietnamese business men to bring his company national. With any luck he will be making the forbes top 400 list by 2092.



Since the disintegration of Yugoslavia in the 1990's there have been many entrepreneurs in Serbia trying to cash in with the new capitalist government. One of which is our next gentlemen to be profiled, Tomislav Milicic. Mr. Milicic is responsible for bringing the Olive Garden chain to Eastern Europe. He is also credited with the brilliant mind who thought up the uber successful "all you can eat pasta" campaign which is all the rage of America as we speak.



Who knows who could be next? I mean if you could come from the crumbling economies of Mexico, Laos or Serbia and put together that kind of scratch pretty much anything is possible, like becoming a cultural icon with no talent what so ever.

goals.

New Year's is generally the time of year where people make resolutions. People think to themselves, "self, how can i better you?" Sadly, most of you can't do a damn thing to make yourselves better. You say, "oh, maybe i should stop smoking!" Or maybe you say, "I should start going to the gym." Once i even heard some freak suggest that he should take up the trombone.



Not me though. I have never made a lame new year's resolution. Sure, I have made some before. In 2001 I decided that I wanted to score more babes. I did. In 2004 I figured that I could use some more disposable income. Obviously, I accomplished that goal. This year though, this year I want a commemorative stamp made of me.



The first commerative stamp was issued in 1893 by postmaster general John Wannamaker. Other big wigs at the post office tried to fight him on his radical plan of commeratating people, places and events but ol' John said, look, idiot people will flock to this things and collect them. This will be a very profitable evdevaor for us. Needless to say, he was right and the post office proceeded to make it rain.



The controversial first commemorative stamps were the Columbian Exposition Series. Printed by the ABNC, or American Bank Note Company, the stamps were issued to commemorate the World Columbian Exposition held in Chicago, Illinois, from May 1 to October 30, 1893. The stamps were to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus's voyage to the New World. It is my feeling that there could not be a lamer reason to make stamps. How about a stamp to commemorate the 400th chick that i sneezed on.



Throughout history such people as Elvis, places like Canada, or events like the Special Olympics have been celebrated through the stamp. They also apparantly make stamps to coincide with the releases of blockbuster films.



So all I want to accomplish this year is getting my mug on a stamp. It would be useful too if you think about it. I mean, when women buy it they won't mind making out with the stamp before placing it on the letter.

better days.

With it being the holiday season and all we here at making it rain have decided to review the best holidays in any given year. This will help you in that it will show you when and how it is best to demonstrate your mad cash flow.






#365-
Your birthday. You do not spend money on your birthday. All of those money hungry friends and leaches pay for your drinks on this night. With all of the loot you have foolishly wasted on their drug habits over the past year it is the very least those ungrateful peons can do for you.


#281-
New Year's Eve. It is fucking amateur hour out there. Everybody is looking to have the perfect kiss when the clock strikes twelve. Well, let those wieners who want to be in love have that night. The only thing that is perfect about meeting a woman with me is when she is walking out the door after blowing me.



#280-
Valentine's Day.
hahahahahahahahhaahahahahahah. yeah right. See i know what you were thinking. You would think that we would be all about that shit, right? wrong. Whereas we appreciate wiping out asses with money, burning it at our leisure, and drinking to the point that we black out, puke, then buy more drinks, we can not in any way condone showering one woman with gifts on this holiday. If you would like to show them the condoms that you just bought that look like one hundred dollar bills though, well, that is okay.



#69-
Any shorty's birthday. You find the hottest babe in the place and you make her yours. You take out your bill fold (or wallet, whichever you prefer) and you drop that wad of $100 bills right in front of her shorty face. She will be all like "OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE LIKE SOOOOO HOT, LOL!!!! WHAT IS YOUR NUMBER!?!?!?! LETS TEXT!!!!" Then you will be like, "awesome, i am going to buy this girl and all of her friends so many drinks that i might be able to sleep with all fifteen of them."

A Holiday Hero.

We here at makiing it rain have taken quite a long break from our writing. Worry not minions, at no point did we ever stop making it rain. Our trails have taken us from Portland, OR to Scranton, Pa. From Buffalo, NY to Washington DC. From NYC to Louisville, KY and just about everywhere inbetween. During these travels there was one person who we were trying to live up to. There is really only one dude who is bad enough to toss around bills to the ground at a quicker pace than like sub prime morgatge lending rates. That man, possibly, is the only dude who can both literally and figuretivley make it rain.



My man, J.C. With his birthday coming up and all we figured it is about time to honor the first man to really, really make it rain.



Long before we came around there was pacman jones. Before pacman came James Brown. Before James Brown came Leon Trotsky(the man left for mexico and lived on the beach for the rest of his life). Before Trotsky came this guy....



And before little asian dudes tossing around twenties like his name was method man there was the big man, JC.
Merry Christmas, cheddar shredders.

Vacation (Part I)

So the other day after slaving most of my way away to the man i decided to kill sometime on the old internet. I regularly read many news blogs, econ blogs and things of the like so that i am kept updated on such current events as the political climate of Sierra Leone or if the bush twins have been caught doing anything sexy recently.


So imagine my surprise when i stumbled across this chart about young people's drinking habits in Minneapolis, Minnesota.



So I hopped on the next plane and decided it was time to show that town how to be a money mauler.


My first stop was a local shop where i asked the woman behind the counter who the richest, most famous man in minneapolis was. She told me the man's name was Carl Pohland, the owner of the minnesota twins. I said, "wrong answer bitch, you are looking at him!"

After being escorted out of the store, I went to a local brew pub and ordered the most expensive beer that they had. From there I began discussing how pitiful their basketball team would be without kevin garnett and then i told them that their football team of choice was truly mediocre!

Then I put twenty dollar bills in front of my eyes and ran out of the bar like a fucking maniac!

At this time i went to a local 5 star hotel that i noticed had quite a nice water park. I thought, what better place to find some bitch to suck my dick.


Believe it or not I ran into another problem while i was at the swimming pool. So i was just swimming around, flexing and showing all of the babes in the pool what a giant wad of cash that i had in my shorts when all of a sudden the drain got clogged...

money, money, money, money, moneeeeey

todd gotmon?....more like ted dibiase!


everyone has price...everyone's gotta pay
click the link

big game huntin'

When you have more money than you know what do with the little things in life no longer amuse you. The big game hunters of the days of yore definetely noticed this.
Throughout history, hunting was seen as a source of providing food for ones family.
But what if you already have enough money to eat caviar for every meal and you still have a lingering blood lust... You buy a big ass gun and plane trip to Africa and go kill some shit for fun.



Take a look at one of America's most beloved novelists, Ernest Hemmingway. A man mostly known for his understated writing style ultimately couldn't contain his machismo and had to express his manly hood with big ass gun. This guy wrote books about killing stuff! It must have made him a fortune too because he was able to afford killing the most exotic of animals for sport. And when he got bored of killing leopards and catching marlin he decided that it was time to hunt the ultimate game, himself.



I can definetely agree with his lifestyle because when you try one thing you always want something better and more expensive. This goes the same for drinks, entertainment, women, and even food. That is why during my trip to the local pizza parlor, which you may not think would provide anything delectable to dine on, I decided that I should eat only toppings made with beasts that could eat me.
I saw Pepporoni, I saw Veggie, but then I saw Alligator and I knew I must consume it.
Sure it was expensive but what tastes better than letting all the man eaters out there know that you just ate their mother for lunch.





What's next? Shark sushi...Lion tacos.