Black Out Blues

Spending money is excellent. It enables you to do many wonderful things and provides opportunities that poor people will never, ever experience. However there is one, rather obvious, downside to spending copious amounts of cash on extravagant things. Especially if one of those items is an excess of alcohol.



The beauty of alcohol is that it gives you confidence, good looks, impaired eye sight and makes you super sexy. Sadly though, when consumed in excess (what other way is there?), makes you forget all of the cool shit that you did the night before.



So often times I get phone calls from friends of mine during the morning who are looking to reminisce on the previous nights happenings. Thankfully I have friends like this, other wise I wouldn't know half of the cool shit that I do.



Take for example last week, I was just hanging out drinking and spending when without even realizing it until the next morning I had partaken in and won a bet for $20. Awesome. Or, believe it or not this happens quite often , I will wake up around 6am to take a piss and there will be a woman I don't even know in the bed! oh man, I hope that I wore a condom!



I guess it is really a chicken or the egg question. Is it better to remember the awesome shit that you do and be sober or is it better to get shit faced and hope that your friends remember the awesome shit that you do? I will always opt for the later. Some of my friends are poor and cannot afford to get as drunk as me. I will count on them to remember the details. I will buy them a beer for efforts.

Tax Time.

Of course I am going to post an I.R.S. video today. We helped you last month with some last minute tax tips. Today, being the last day to file your taxes without severe penalties. I kind of wish that I had just saved that video for today but I thought it was too funny to hold onto until today. Instead, you get this piece of gold, I.R.S. with Jerry Lawler in the King's Court.



Everybody knows that the Undertaker is a tax cheat...

Best Of Buffalo

Tonight is the 14th annual "Artvoice" Best of Buffalo award ceremony. The show brings together the best of food, drink, "style", and people, among other things, in this wonderful city. Needless to say, as the best sex machine/money mauler in Buffalo I will be in attendance.



So you can imagine my surprise when I opened this week's local Artvoice newspaper and I didn't see any mention of my name in it. Worse yet, there were no categories for "Most awesome waste of cash", "Dude who got the most wasted" or "Guy who layed pipe on the most babes"!



At that time is when I decided that I would be "crashing" the party tonight. Now, a man of my wealth, fame and good looks is never actually crashing a party. In fact, more often than not, my invitation is just forgotten in the mail (fucking postal service). So as I was preparing this post to tell you how I would be going to the Best Of Buffalo party in an effort to rectify the glaring omission of leaving my name off of the ballot, I found something wonderful. I searched best of buffalo and I found pictures of some real hot chicks. Which got me excited. I mean, if they are going to be there, then I can do them and the judges will see how awesome I am! A foolproof plan if I have ever heard one.



So babes, (cough Kim Alexis, cough)I will be the especially drunk guy at Artvoice's Best Of Buffalo tonight. I will be flaunting cash and, more than likely, having sex in the bathroom of the Town Ballroom tonight. And yes, it will be the ladies bathroom.

With The Weather Breaking...

The winters in Buffalo, NY are as long as they are hard. Meteorologist would have you believe that is starts snowing in October and doesn't stop until May. Where as we do get snow in both October and May there are no less than six days in between where the skies are clear and the flurries stay in their cloudy homes.



So when spring arrives most Buffaloanians celebrate by getting wasted for like 3 weeks straight, myself included. That is why our posts have been a little bit more sparse in these parts the past week or two. I have been pretty busy getting totally shitfaced and macking chicks; but rather than doing it inside of a bar, I am now doing it on a patio and the women have less clothes on. Which is sweet.



So the posting may not be as prolific as it has been during these colder months, but in turn there are way more people out who will be impressed with our spending. Also it is a proven fact that babes are like 114% hornier during the summer.



Also, with sluts abounding, the odds of totally hilarious stories to tell you, the reader, increases exponentially. So enjoy the nice weather, we plan on doing the same. Though, to be honest, I am sure that our summers are going to be way sexier than yours.

An Open Letter To Sophie Monk:

Dear Sohpie,

Recently, I came across a pop up add with your picture on it which took me to this site . I had heard your name before but I never knew what you looked like. Now, well, it is forever etched in my memory.




I see that Mr. Seacrest doesn't want to be scene with you. Well, Sophie, I would be more than happy to be scene with you. In fact, I would even go so far as doing the following things in public with you.

-Making out.
-Letting you touch my wiener.
-Giving me oral sex.
-Having vaginal sex.




The best part about our pending nuptials, well at least from my perspective seems quite clear. You are a starlet who I have never heard of. While doing a google image seach or you I see you hanging out with Nicole Richie, a dude from Good Charlotte and you standing in front of a bunch of posters for shitty movies. So it is clear to me that you have little to no money. Well guess what!?! I have a ton. I am also willing to give you some of it in exchange for sexual acts.



So let me know if you are into it. You can reach me at Makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com . My last girlfriend told me I was pretty good at sex. I doubt that she was wrong. So, yeah, holler at your baller!

Not All Boobs Are Created Equal.

Ted Dibiase, you will never stop making us smile.





I have to believe that had Jimmy Snuka not taken that money that "The Million Dollar Man" would have walked to the other room and shown those fly shorties how to party. Well, at least that is what I would have done.

Song Profile.

Currently the song "Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey sits atop the Billboard Hot 100 charts. Today we will profile this song. (editors note: I have never heard this song)



MC, you're the place to be
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Umm okay, nothing too provocative so far...





I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I'd be all up on you
I know you got that fever for me
102
And boy I know I feel the same
My temperature's through the roof

So she wants to do me. I am cool with that. I like doing chicks.





If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I


....ummm does she realize that I am blogging about this right now? I mean, I am not taping anything, that would be awesome but I lack the proper amount of space on my digital camera. I suppose that I could buy another one with all of the money that I have but, well, I have just sort of been too busy getting drunk and having tons of sex.



Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

That is more like it. I don't want to hear you complaining about shit. I am just going to do you real proper, then I will pay you and you can leave.



Boy you can put me on you
Like a brand new white tee
I'll hug your body tighter
Than my favorite jeans
I want you to caress me
Like a tropical breeze
And float away with you
In the Caribbean Sea

Mariah you have painted a lovely, lovely picture for me there...





If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Enough already, I told you I am not taping this shit. Dudes do not like watching themselves do it. It is gross. I have seen myself masturbating in a bathroom mirror before. It is gross. That is why I am straight. Weiners are gross.



Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

I wish she had a verse or a chorus about money. That would be cool. Or a verse about getting bombed. Here at making it rain we do love doing chicks, we do, but we are also concerned with making cash, spending cash or more speficially, wasting cash.



Imma treat you like a teddy bear
You won't wanna go nowhere
In the lap of luxury
Laying intertwined with me
You won't want for nothing boy
I will give you plenty of joy
Touch my body

Teddy Bear, huh? I am cool with that.




Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah oh yeah
Oh oh oh oh yeah
Touch my body...

Well, I have to go and ummm... watch baseball, yeah that's it, watch baseball. Bye.

How To Make $100 In Five Minutes.

After reading that headline on youtube (while searching money) I will admit that I was interested. I mean, we here at making it rain are busy guys. Busy working, busy getting wasted and busy hooking up with babes. I have to admit, it is a pretty awesome life. Anyway, upon finding this headline I thought to myself, "Hey, Mitch Little, I bet that you could afford to spend five minutes to make $100 that you could foolishly spend on getting some chick drunk enough to make out with you!" So I decided to watch the video.



Well, they did it alright. $100 in five minutes. I have to admit though, I am not going to dance around like a bozo while I am waiting for the process to complete itself. Those guys looked like idiots. I will let everyone know if this really works when I get around to it. I mean, you try updating a daily blog when you literally have to fight off women who want to suck you off every second of every day.

Hate The Player, Not The Game.

Recently a making it rain writer who shall remain nameless was in San Fransisco for a week on business. After a long day of buying and selling the most sought after real estate in the entire Bay area he decided to go out and have a few beverages with his co-workers.



Now as many of you already know, once one begins drinking it is nearly impossible to stay in the same bar for too long. You decide that none of the beers satisfy your palates enough or perhaps the ladies at your current bar are of questionable character. Questionable in that they won't do you of course.



So after leaving a bar or eight my fellow making it rain writer found himself the last man standing amongst his co-workers. Not a tremendously big deal, often times we find ourselves as the last one out. But this night while on the prowl for booze and broads my fellow making it rain writer ran into what is regarded as an enemy to both the baller and the common man. The pathetic street thug who is trying to emulate us though ways other than hard work. You may know him by their common name; a mugger.



The knife wielding man asked my fellow making it rain writer for his wallet. This came as no surprise to the co-founder of this site. He imagined that this "wanna be baller" had read out site and imagined he had mad cash inside of his wallet. Little did he know exactly how much money he had. Upon opening the wallet the "gangsta" was amazed and realized that the wallet was just too thick with money and credit cards to steal everything out of it. That or surely if he took the whole wallet that he would be slowed down by its massive weight long enough for the police to catch him.



So the would be crook looked at the real baller in awe and realized that not only could he not get away with all of this money but that my fellow writer would be able to spend it in much more creative ways! He then realized that he did not want to miss out on the enjoyment of reading about it at a later date! So the "punk ass bitch who robbed my friend" took a small amount of cash and ran off into the San Fransisco moonlight. Just remember punk ass, he remembers your face and if you ever come to Portland or Buffalo that you fat ass wanna be baller ass is going down.

Becoming More Environmentally Conscious

The other day I watched the movie An Inconvenient Truth directed by former Vice President Al Gore. While watching this movie I became increasingly interested in the environment and what the future holds for my children and my children's children. I mean, the movement is called "Going Green" and money is green so I thought maybe this would be cool.



While watching to movie I learned many interesting facts. For example, did you know that carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere and temperatures are rising!!! Oh no, I sure hope that lighting $100 bills to light my cigarette isn't harmful to the environment!!



Also it it is alleged in the film that that malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level. I am not quite sure what that has to do with global warming but it is upsetting just the same!



Or did you know that the number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years? Well, the truth is that is not really any surprise to me, you know, with all of the rain making that we are making happen.



Happy April Fool's day you stupid fucks. Don't worry, we will never give a shit about the environment.