Best Of Buffalo

Tonight is the 14th annual "Artvoice" Best of Buffalo award ceremony. The show brings together the best of food, drink, "style", and people, among other things, in this wonderful city. Needless to say, as the best sex machine/money mauler in Buffalo I will be in attendance.



So you can imagine my surprise when I opened this week's local Artvoice newspaper and I didn't see any mention of my name in it. Worse yet, there were no categories for "Most awesome waste of cash", "Dude who got the most wasted" or "Guy who layed pipe on the most babes"!



At that time is when I decided that I would be "crashing" the party tonight. Now, a man of my wealth, fame and good looks is never actually crashing a party. In fact, more often than not, my invitation is just forgotten in the mail (fucking postal service). So as I was preparing this post to tell you how I would be going to the Best Of Buffalo party in an effort to rectify the glaring omission of leaving my name off of the ballot, I found something wonderful. I searched best of buffalo and I found pictures of some real hot chicks. Which got me excited. I mean, if they are going to be there, then I can do them and the judges will see how awesome I am! A foolproof plan if I have ever heard one.



So babes, (cough Kim Alexis, cough)I will be the especially drunk guy at Artvoice's Best Of Buffalo tonight. I will be flaunting cash and, more than likely, having sex in the bathroom of the Town Ballroom tonight. And yes, it will be the ladies bathroom.

Vacation (Part I)

So the other day after slaving most of my way away to the man i decided to kill sometime on the old internet. I regularly read many news blogs, econ blogs and things of the like so that i am kept updated on such current events as the political climate of Sierra Leone or if the bush twins have been caught doing anything sexy recently.


So imagine my surprise when i stumbled across this chart about young people's drinking habits in Minneapolis, Minnesota.



So I hopped on the next plane and decided it was time to show that town how to be a money mauler.


My first stop was a local shop where i asked the woman behind the counter who the richest, most famous man in minneapolis was. She told me the man's name was Carl Pohland, the owner of the minnesota twins. I said, "wrong answer bitch, you are looking at him!"

After being escorted out of the store, I went to a local brew pub and ordered the most expensive beer that they had. From there I began discussing how pitiful their basketball team would be without kevin garnett and then i told them that their football team of choice was truly mediocre!

Then I put twenty dollar bills in front of my eyes and ran out of the bar like a fucking maniac!

At this time i went to a local 5 star hotel that i noticed had quite a nice water park. I thought, what better place to find some bitch to suck my dick.


Believe it or not I ran into another problem while i was at the swimming pool. So i was just swimming around, flexing and showing all of the babes in the pool what a giant wad of cash that i had in my shorts when all of a sudden the drain got clogged...