An Open Letter To Sophie Monk:

Dear Sohpie,

Recently, I came across a pop up add with your picture on it which took me to this site . I had heard your name before but I never knew what you looked like. Now, well, it is forever etched in my memory.




I see that Mr. Seacrest doesn't want to be scene with you. Well, Sophie, I would be more than happy to be scene with you. In fact, I would even go so far as doing the following things in public with you.

-Making out.
-Letting you touch my wiener.
-Giving me oral sex.
-Having vaginal sex.




The best part about our pending nuptials, well at least from my perspective seems quite clear. You are a starlet who I have never heard of. While doing a google image seach or you I see you hanging out with Nicole Richie, a dude from Good Charlotte and you standing in front of a bunch of posters for shitty movies. So it is clear to me that you have little to no money. Well guess what!?! I have a ton. I am also willing to give you some of it in exchange for sexual acts.



So let me know if you are into it. You can reach me at Makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com . My last girlfriend told me I was pretty good at sex. I doubt that she was wrong. So, yeah, holler at your baller!

Not All Boobs Are Created Equal.

Ted Dibiase, you will never stop making us smile.





I have to believe that had Jimmy Snuka not taken that money that "The Million Dollar Man" would have walked to the other room and shown those fly shorties how to party. Well, at least that is what I would have done.

Song Profile.

Currently the song "Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey sits atop the Billboard Hot 100 charts. Today we will profile this song. (editors note: I have never heard this song)



MC, you're the place to be
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Umm okay, nothing too provocative so far...





I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I'd be all up on you
I know you got that fever for me
102
And boy I know I feel the same
My temperature's through the roof

So she wants to do me. I am cool with that. I like doing chicks.





If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I


....ummm does she realize that I am blogging about this right now? I mean, I am not taping anything, that would be awesome but I lack the proper amount of space on my digital camera. I suppose that I could buy another one with all of the money that I have but, well, I have just sort of been too busy getting drunk and having tons of sex.



Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

That is more like it. I don't want to hear you complaining about shit. I am just going to do you real proper, then I will pay you and you can leave.



Boy you can put me on you
Like a brand new white tee
I'll hug your body tighter
Than my favorite jeans
I want you to caress me
Like a tropical breeze
And float away with you
In the Caribbean Sea

Mariah you have painted a lovely, lovely picture for me there...





If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Enough already, I told you I am not taping this shit. Dudes do not like watching themselves do it. It is gross. I have seen myself masturbating in a bathroom mirror before. It is gross. That is why I am straight. Weiners are gross.



Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

I wish she had a verse or a chorus about money. That would be cool. Or a verse about getting bombed. Here at making it rain we do love doing chicks, we do, but we are also concerned with making cash, spending cash or more speficially, wasting cash.



Imma treat you like a teddy bear
You won't wanna go nowhere
In the lap of luxury
Laying intertwined with me
You won't want for nothing boy
I will give you plenty of joy
Touch my body

Teddy Bear, huh? I am cool with that.




Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah oh yeah
Oh oh oh oh yeah
Touch my body...

Well, I have to go and ummm... watch baseball, yeah that's it, watch baseball. Bye.

How To Make $100 In Five Minutes.

After reading that headline on youtube (while searching money) I will admit that I was interested. I mean, we here at making it rain are busy guys. Busy working, busy getting wasted and busy hooking up with babes. I have to admit, it is a pretty awesome life. Anyway, upon finding this headline I thought to myself, "Hey, Mitch Little, I bet that you could afford to spend five minutes to make $100 that you could foolishly spend on getting some chick drunk enough to make out with you!" So I decided to watch the video.



Well, they did it alright. $100 in five minutes. I have to admit though, I am not going to dance around like a bozo while I am waiting for the process to complete itself. Those guys looked like idiots. I will let everyone know if this really works when I get around to it. I mean, you try updating a daily blog when you literally have to fight off women who want to suck you off every second of every day.

Hate The Player, Not The Game.

Recently a making it rain writer who shall remain nameless was in San Fransisco for a week on business. After a long day of buying and selling the most sought after real estate in the entire Bay area he decided to go out and have a few beverages with his co-workers.



Now as many of you already know, once one begins drinking it is nearly impossible to stay in the same bar for too long. You decide that none of the beers satisfy your palates enough or perhaps the ladies at your current bar are of questionable character. Questionable in that they won't do you of course.



So after leaving a bar or eight my fellow making it rain writer found himself the last man standing amongst his co-workers. Not a tremendously big deal, often times we find ourselves as the last one out. But this night while on the prowl for booze and broads my fellow making it rain writer ran into what is regarded as an enemy to both the baller and the common man. The pathetic street thug who is trying to emulate us though ways other than hard work. You may know him by their common name; a mugger.



The knife wielding man asked my fellow making it rain writer for his wallet. This came as no surprise to the co-founder of this site. He imagined that this "wanna be baller" had read out site and imagined he had mad cash inside of his wallet. Little did he know exactly how much money he had. Upon opening the wallet the "gangsta" was amazed and realized that the wallet was just too thick with money and credit cards to steal everything out of it. That or surely if he took the whole wallet that he would be slowed down by its massive weight long enough for the police to catch him.



So the would be crook looked at the real baller in awe and realized that not only could he not get away with all of this money but that my fellow writer would be able to spend it in much more creative ways! He then realized that he did not want to miss out on the enjoyment of reading about it at a later date! So the "punk ass bitch who robbed my friend" took a small amount of cash and ran off into the San Fransisco moonlight. Just remember punk ass, he remembers your face and if you ever come to Portland or Buffalo that you fat ass wanna be baller ass is going down.

Becoming More Environmentally Conscious

The other day I watched the movie An Inconvenient Truth directed by former Vice President Al Gore. While watching this movie I became increasingly interested in the environment and what the future holds for my children and my children's children. I mean, the movement is called "Going Green" and money is green so I thought maybe this would be cool.



While watching to movie I learned many interesting facts. For example, did you know that carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere and temperatures are rising!!! Oh no, I sure hope that lighting $100 bills to light my cigarette isn't harmful to the environment!!



Also it it is alleged in the film that that malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level. I am not quite sure what that has to do with global warming but it is upsetting just the same!



Or did you know that the number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years? Well, the truth is that is not really any surprise to me, you know, with all of the rain making that we are making happen.



Happy April Fool's day you stupid fucks. Don't worry, we will never give a shit about the environment.

Hating It Rain.

Missy Elliot is a 5 time Grammy award winner who has sold over 7.6 million records. Terrific, good for her. I can respect a sister with some gold records and statuettes. Today though, we are profiling her because on her 1997 debut record she said "I Can't Stand The Rain" and thusly we have gotten pretty pissed off about that.



In the song, Missy sings (err, raps?) "I can't stand the rain/'gainst my window". In fact the phrase seems to account for about 85% of the lyrics in the said song. That is a lot of anti rain making sentiment.



With that said, Missy has made no effort in later works to correct this early flaw of her career. In songs such as "Loose Control", "Get Yr Freak On" and "Gossip Folks" Missy has talked about topics such as loosing weight, getting her snatch licked and made up some sort of goofy language prominently featuring the letter "z". At no point does she talk about making scratch.



So Missy, we hear that you may have a new album coming out. Please do us all a favor and make it as sweet as all of the other rap songs on the top of the charts. Take a hint from Usher or Ludacris. We do not want to her about dudes licking you. We want to hear about money, money, money.



Thank you for taking the time to hear us out.

My Mom.

We all have parents that have ingrained a certain way of life on us. Some of our parents have taught us racially equality, conversely some have taught their children racism. Some parents have pushed athletics on their children while still others have stressed the importance of schooling. Other parents who were dirt poor have shown their children how to be poor. My mom on the other hand is a lot like the million dollar man and flaunts cash like it is no big deal. I suppose that is where I get it from.



For the record, that nerdy kid just thinks my mom was pissed. She was actually totally cool with it.

Gangs.

BUFFALO, N.Y. (WIVB) - - Buffalo Police are issuing a warning for all motorists tonight, Wednesday.

They have credible information that there could be some sort of gang initiation this evening that could include purposely striking vehicles from behind.

Police say if this happens to you, you should stay in your car and call 9-1-1 for help.



That was the message that was broadcasted all across the greater Buffalo Niagara region last night. Do not get out of your cars if hit from behind because a "gang" is using the tactic to initiate their new members.



This got me to thinking. What happened to gangs that did sweet shit to initiate their members? You know, like slicing faces, murdering people or taking an ass load of angel dust. Have gangs gotten so suburban that their members crash into people with their suburbans?



But then it hit me, I thought to myself "Hey, Mitch Little, these gang bangers are wanna be Hayley Love's!" It all makes sense now! It is just a bunch of drunk teenagers in Buffalo looking to get two D.W.I's in one night. I have heard of copy cat murderers but this takes the diamond encrusted cake. Well played out there future ballers. In the hands of someone like Hayley Love I am quite sure that you are all safe.

Song Profile.

In our latest installment of "song profiles" we are looking at "C.R.E.A.M" by Wu-Tang Clan. I have a feeling that this is going to be a good one...



What that nigga want God?
Word up, look out for the cops (Wu-Tang five finger shit)
(Cash Rules) Word up, two for fives over here baby
Word up, two for fives them niggaz got garbage down the way, word up
KnowhatI'msayin?
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M. get...)
Yeah, check this ol fly shit out
Word up
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me) Take you on a natural joint
(C.R.E.A.M. get the money) Here we here we go
(dolla dolla bill y'all) Check this shit, yo!


Oh baby! This shit starts off pretty awesome. I have a feeling that they are going to be talking an awful lot about making money. Let's keep our fingers crossed.



I grew up on the crime side, the New York Times side
Staying alive was no jive
At second hands, moms bounced on old men
So then we moved to Shaolin land
A young youth, yo rockin the gold tooth, 'Lo goose
Only way, I begin to gee off was drug loot
And let's start it like this son, rollin with this one
And that one, pullin out gats for fun
But it was just a dream for the teen, who was a fiend
Started smokin woolies at sixteen
And running up in gates, and doing hits for high stakes
Making my way on fire escapes
No question I would speed, for cracks and weed
The combination made my eyes bleed
No question I would flow off, and try to get the dough all
Sticking up white boys in ball courts
My life got no better, same damn 'Lo sweater
Times is ruff and tuff like leather
Figured out I went the wrong route
So I got with a sick ass click and went all out
Catchin keys from across seas
Rollin in MPV's, every week we made forty G's
Yo nigga respect mine, or anger the tech nine
Ch-chick-POW! Move from the gate now


Well played Rakewon. You hit the following "buzz" words which give you points in our eyes.
-Tech nine
-Gats
-Sticking up white boys
-Speed
-Weed

There was some other sweet shit in there too, but if we kept up with that I might as well just copy and paste that entire verse.



Cash, Rules, Everything, Around, Me
C.R.E.A.M.
Get the money
Dollar, dollar bill y'all


M-E-T-H-O-D MAN! yes,yes,yes.




It's been twenty-two long hard years of still strugglin
Survival got me buggin, but I'm alive on arrival
I peep at the shape of the streets
And stay awake to the ways of the world cause shit is deep
A man with a dream with plans to make C.R.E.A.M.
Which failed; I went to jail at the age of 15
A young buck sellin drugs and such who never had much
Trying to get a clutch at what I could not... could not...
The court played me short, now I face incarceration
Pacin -- going up state's my destination
Handcuffed in back of a bus, forty of us
Life as a shorty shouldn't be so ruff
But as the world turns I learned life is hell
Living in the world no different from a cell
Everyday I escape from Jakes givin chase, sellin base
Smokin bones in the staircase
Though I don't know why I chose to smoke sess
I guess that's the time when I'm not depressed
But I'm still depressed, and I ask what's it worth?
Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth
Who explained working hard may help you maintain
to learn to overcome the heartaches and pain
We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks
and stray shots, all on the block that stays hot
Leave it up to me while I be living proof
To kick the truth to the young black youth
But shorty's running wild smokin sess drinkin beer
And ain't trying to hear what I'm kickin in his ear
Neglected, but now, but yo, it gots to be accepted
That what? That life is hectic


Inspector Deck made balling sound un-awesome. That is not cool. The game is the game and it 'aint never gonna change, BOR-RING.




Niggas gots to do what they gotta do, to get a bill
YaknowhatI'msayin?
Cuz we can't just get by no more
Word up, we gotta get over, straight up and down

Time for a babe!



Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M.
get the money
Dolla dolla bill y'aauhhhaaaauhhhhahhhauhhhhll, YEAH

I have to be honest, of all of the songs we have profiled this one is the most money making tune yet. I mean shit, it is Wu-Tang, it is C.R.E.A.M. . So next time you are out at a bar, find the digital jukebox, download this tune and watch all of the bitches run out of the bar. The only people left will be fellow ballers. Then you can really get down.



You know what they say, money makes the world go 'round.