Hating It Rain.

Missy Elliot is a 5 time Grammy award winner who has sold over 7.6 million records. Terrific, good for her. I can respect a sister with some gold records and statuettes. Today though, we are profiling her because on her 1997 debut record she said "I Can't Stand The Rain" and thusly we have gotten pretty pissed off about that.



In the song, Missy sings (err, raps?) "I can't stand the rain/'gainst my window". In fact the phrase seems to account for about 85% of the lyrics in the said song. That is a lot of anti rain making sentiment.



With that said, Missy has made no effort in later works to correct this early flaw of her career. In songs such as "Loose Control", "Get Yr Freak On" and "Gossip Folks" Missy has talked about topics such as loosing weight, getting her snatch licked and made up some sort of goofy language prominently featuring the letter "z". At no point does she talk about making scratch.



So Missy, we hear that you may have a new album coming out. Please do us all a favor and make it as sweet as all of the other rap songs on the top of the charts. Take a hint from Usher or Ludacris. We do not want to her about dudes licking you. We want to hear about money, money, money.



Thank you for taking the time to hear us out.

I've Got Your Paycheck On My Goddamned Living Room Floor.

Readers Carl and Eddie sent in this video of them attempting to ball like us.



Close Carl and Eddie, but see the main problem with your video is that you have no babes in it. Sure, you got the money. Whatever, anyone can have cash. I need to see hot ass bitches and some Hennessy to be impressed. Keep at it and maybe one day you two can be real ballers. Don't count on it though.

You Know The Saying...

When you were growing up I am sure that you heard this saying before, "March, comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb". Well I am here to tell you today, March 1st 2008, my goal is to do just that.



I think I will start my night off with a couple of buddies and a little pre-gaming for the night. You may have heard of the drinking game "Power Hour" where you take a shot of beer every sixty seconds for an hour. Well, he have a game sort of like that too. Rather than using a $3.99 six pack of stroh's like most penny pinchers we use a big ass bottle of maker's mark.




After getting suitably "buzzed" my friends and I will play some video games. In fact my friend Damien recently spend much of his hard earned cash on some popular electronics that will play with tonight and then probably smash with sledgehammers to amuse ourselves.



After smashing shit I think we will go out for a while and I will fulfill the age old adage of March. Yep, you bet your ass I will be coming like a lion!