Song Profile. First Edition.

Growing up in the Western New York area people like myself had access to Canadian radio at our fingertips. This was both a positive experience and an extremely negative one as well. The positives including such hip hop gems as the Swollen Members, Rascalz and K-os on the flip side we have been subjected to such horrid acts as Snow and the much hated Barenaked Ladies. Today at MakingItRain we are going to be profiling the song, "If I Had A Million Dollars" to find out if they are, in our opinion, satisfactorily flaunting their cash. If we deem their expenditures awesome, who knows we may even change our opinion of these schlubs.



If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

Alright, at this point rather than buying a mansion they are buying houses. Lame. Minus one. Secondly they are suggesting buying someone a K-Car? Have you ever seen one of those things? They are retarded looking. Instead of buying a K-Car they should be buying Lamborghini's or some cool shit like that.



If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had million dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame 'em
Uh, yeah

Well, maybe this is just us, but doesn't their tree fort sound like a gay hangout to you? Pre-wrapped sausages, what is that? I will tell you what it is, not decent. You know what we would buy rather than a tree house with a fridge in it, well a ton of shit, but the first thing that comes to mind is a women's beach volleyball team. Minus two for the barenaked ladies.




If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

I don't know who John Merrick is and I am not going to waste the time to google him because, honestly, I do not give a fuck. You guys are freaks digging up and dead dude and purchasing his remains. I mean, i enjoy that you are getting more creative than a reliable automobile by showing your spending power in purchasing such idiotic things like emu's, llama's and "crazy" elephant bones but it could still be better spent on such things as alcohol and recreational drugs. Take another point off the board for this stupid fucking band.



If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

Well if you aren't tired of reading yet I am going to keep going. I didn't realize how long this was going to take when I got started. Now I am stuck pointing out how much cooler we here at MakingItRain are than the dofus' in the Barenaked Ladies. I apologize if it is getting excessive but this needs to be done. No person in their right mind would buy ketchup with a million dollars. Kraft dinners either. I have about had it with these fucking guys. Here is a picture of some babes who are hot.




If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)
If I had a million dollars
I’d buy your love
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich

THANK.GOD.THE.SONG.IS.OVER. You don't buy love with money you dip shit. You buy sex. And booze. And more sex. Not love. Never love. And what the fuck is with this not a real green dress shit? Pardon my excessive run of of profanity here but this terrible song has driven me to this. If we ever run this segment here again (which I very much doubt) I promise it will be a bad ass rap song that is awesome and not a shitty song from a shitty Canadian band who thinks a million dollars is a lot of money. What a bunch of nitwits. Final Verdict, Barenakes Ladies do NOT know how to make it rain. Now with a real bare naked lady.

A strange way to pay the electric bill.

So it was brought to my attention to me by one of my fellow writers here at making it rain that I am doing something especially foolish with money. When he says foolish, naturally, he means totally awesome. Though you internet folk out there might think of it as a flagrant display of wasting cash. I tend to think of it more as the former. You may think of it as the later. Before you make up your mind though, I think that you should hear me out.



So here is the story. As mentioned in earlier posts I do not much care for paying bills. I much prefer spending my money on top shelf alcohol, alligator pizza and the finest escorts in all of Buffalo. With that said, upon moving into my luxurious home in the swankiest part of town I had more important things on my mind that putting the electric into my name, y'know what I mean?



So fast forward eighteen months. I get a letter addressed to "occupant" asking my to pay my electric bill. To paraphrase my friend, the late great, Marcel Marceau "fuck that!".



So at this point I thought to myself, "Marcel is right, Fuck that! I'm Moving out!" So I began gathering my belongings when I thought to myself about how much I don't like moving. I mean I work all day, why should I have to come home and move shit to a new apartment? That does not sound like fun at all. So I decided just to leave a bunch of shit there.



So then I thought, shit man, I bet that I would sound really cool to chicks if I told them that I had two places. It was at that time that I decided to pay for two apartments. One for my more quiet reserved life. Which, lets be honest, doesn't get used very much. Then the other, much more empty, apartment with nothing but empty cans and used condoms strewn about the floor.



So, ladies, if you want to come back to one of my places tonight, well, you can just let me know.