Making It Rain

Making It Rain Readers Can Make It Rain, Too!

2008-08-23T18:30:00.003-04:00

Reader Jay White featured on the front page of Lockport, NY newspaper The Union Sun and Journal. We here at making it rain are quite proud of you, Jason.

Google Searches

2008-06-29T00:20:00.003-04:00

I can't say that I am surprised. I am just happy that we are providing a service to Alaskan youth.

Making It Rain Convention Recap

2008-06-05T17:15:00.004-04:00

As most everyone in the greater Portland area knows, the first annual Making It Rain Convention took place this past weekend. If I were to say a good time was had by all; well, I would be lying. Sure, all of the rain makers in the area did, but ugly bitches and bar hags did not!

Upon the Buffalo dudes arrival to the city or Portland, pounding commenced immediately. They writers of making it rain went the the finest wood paneled bar in the city and drank the finest North Western brews. After that we voyaged down to the finest strip club in the city. Would you believe that Portland is so hipster that at their strip clubs the bars play indie rock instead of rap? What kind of shit is that?

The worst part of that is that I am not even fucking around. They played the Shins instead of Fat Joe. I cannot make it clear enough how weird that shit is. I suppose those are the kind of lame ass hipsters you get in a city like Portland. Ugh.

And you wouldn't believed what the locals looked like. Well, let me tell you anyway- tards. They looked like tards. Then those tards had the nevre to call us uncultured. Then we stole their wallets and lit their money on fire. It was sweet.

*
**

What a fucking town.

*The video is not actually us. It is just a video of money being burnt. I didn't even watch the whole thing, I hope it is sweet.

**The video I had of us lighting that tards' money on fire was broken when I smacked it over his head repeatedly.

Future Baller.

2008-05-24T09:33:00.001-04:00

"It is fun to do bad things"

Latarian Milton is one basdass dude. I think I might adopt him.

He's back. And guess what, he wants some chicken wings. Yeah, I think that he will be just fine in Buffalo.

And I will tell you what Latarian, I am not going to be taking you to any broke ass Wal-Mart, we are going to Target. It will be awesome.

Ice-T

2008-05-17T10:42:00.000-04:00

As a little hustler this video had a very large impact on me. I am sure that you can see why.

Making It Rain Convention.

2008-05-10T11:04:00.003-04:00

For almost a year now we here at making it rain have been blogging about spending cash, getting wasted and scoring babes. You, the readers, have allowed us to indulge ourselves in the best kind of story telling that there is, the awesome kind. So to thank all of you we are going to have our first annual Making It Rain convention!

That's right from the 29th of May until June 2nd each and every Making It Rain writer will be convening in Portland, Oregon to celebrate you, the readers of this fine website.

Activities will include, lighting cigarettes with $50 bills. Instructional fire extinguisher classes to help you prepare in the event that you burn too much money too quickly. Also we plan on getting totally shit faced. Like big time wasted. I mean non stop bender from Thursday to Tuesday. Also there is going to be no less that two hours a night dedicated solely to doing chicks. If you are not awesome at talking to ladies we can teach you how to score babes on Thursday, before it gets dark out, so you too can partake in the sexing.

So if you are interested in joining Mitch Little, Bob-A-Lob, Slim, Bone, P Money, Cakes, Dr. Sac, Ice and the rest of the crew you can hit us up at makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com . We will tell you what parties we are attending, what bitches we are fucking and what bars we are going to be taking over. We look forward to seeing you out there. And remember, bring money, and lots of it. You are totally going to need it.

Hopefully we will see you, and a ton of sluts, there!

Old Baby Videos.

2008-05-07T09:35:00.002-04:00

Most people have terribly embarrassing videos of them from when they are kids. As you can imagine, that does not apply to the writers here at making it rain. In fact, here is a video of me from when I am just a wee little lad at a minor league baseball game.

I have to admit, the idea of my dad styling my hair into a mohawk is kind of lame though.

The Derby.

2008-05-02T14:22:00.003-04:00

As has been documented before, we here at making it rain are big fans of playing the ponies. It takes all of the best things in life and puts them into one, tiny, smoke filled room. It is something to behold.

Well, no one horse racing event epitomizes this lighting in a bottle of rain making like the Kentucky Derby. It is the most famous horse race in all of the land. Taking twenty, tall stallions from across this wonderful land and while they are whippped, poked and prodded, there are wealthy white men who are wasting their wages in an effort to look wise while wondering about their wives weird and wild wardrobes. It is wonderful.

See the thing about the Derby is that these women wear the goofiest hats. I don't get it. But if there is one thing that a rain maker knows it is this; when a shorty spends a lot of money to dress up, she wants to sex it up. It is a fact. The more money a lady spends on an outfit the more likely she is to put out.

So gents, after hitting that trifecta tomorrow remember to find the shorty who looks to have spent the most on her outfit. Tell her to forget about her husband and come back to your place. The odds are that she has had enough mint juleps to agree. This is when you have sex with her. It will be great.

I Really Need A Drink.

2008-04-28T17:26:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates this weekend. I was busy getting drunk and scoring bases. I know, surprise, surprise, right? Anyway, I really need a drink right now so all you, our loyal readers, get today is a youtube clip.

And for the record, yes, that man is a waste basket that the man is throwing his money into. I might as well do the same tonight, but instead I am going to throw it at a bartender while I get shitfaced.

Everybody's Got A Price.

2008-04-25T21:18:00.002-04:00

The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase has no need for Sweet Saphire. His only need is to remind peons like Dusty Rhodes as to how rich he is.

Mount Baller's Most Famous...

2008-04-23T20:41:00.004-04:00

Today, the man who brought the term "maing it rain" to the masses, found out that he is going to be getting a new address. According to ESPN.com Adam "Pacman" Jones has been traded from the Tennessee Titans to the Dallas Cowboys.

Pacman is famous for being a NFL star who was a first round draft choice and has blazing speed. Though, we would argue that he is more famous for being in Las Vegas over the 2007 NBA All-All Star weekend when he decided to stop by a strip club for some entertainment.

Pacman walked into the strip club with $81,000 in one dollar bills. While at the bar he started throwing the one dollar bills on the women creating the effect of "rain" on these women. The Making It Rain writers were impressed. We immediately went across the border to Canada and began imitating this. The strippers were impressed. We then had sex with them. After that, we started this blog. It was a life changing event.

Now that we are famous writers who have music videos and a book deal, well, we figured the least we could do it mention the trade of Mr. Jones. You are as influential to us as Ted Diabiase with the added bonus that you are still in the news on an almost weekly basis. I believe that you are the only person who spends more time in strip clubs that us. For that alone you are a baller. Lets hope that there are tons of loose women is Dallas for you to make it rain on. Godspeed Pac Man, Godspeed.

Baller Or Bust?

2008-04-21T19:35:00.005-04:00

From his debut in feature film in 1973 until the end of the television series in 1978 Lee Majors was the Six Million Dollar Man, my question before knowing anything about the show other than its name is does he deserve this title?

After a quick search of the popular website Wikipedia I have learned that Lee Majors played a character known as Steve Austin. This character got messed up in some sort of accident and became a bionic man of sorts. I don't quite understand how this makes him a millionaire so I decided to continue reading.

Here is part of the "stub" from Wikepedia that seemed long and boring and has nothing to do with money.
"A number of changes had to be made to Caidin’s version of the character to make him work for television. In the original novels, Austin was a cold-blooded killer, while the TV version rarely killed after his status as a childhood hero had been realized, and in fact Austin explicitly states his opposition to killing in the pilot film.

A number of changes to Austin’s bionics were also made. In the novel, Austin’s left arm, not his right, was the bionic one. Also, the arm was little more than a superpowered battering ram and not as complex as the TV version. Austin was blind in his bionic eye in the books, which was simply used as alternately a camera or a laser, and was removable. The book version of Steve Austin had some abilities the TV version lacked, such as a radio transmitter contained within a rib, a steel-reinforced skull that made it impossible for him to be knocked out with a blow to the head, and a CO2-powered poison dart gun in one of his bionic fingers which the literary version of Austin often used to eliminate bad guys."
Got that? good, because I see nothing at all about money. Why on earth is this guy known as The Six Million Dollar man? I just don't get it.

Without delving further into this "stub" I am going to go ahead and decide that both the charachter "Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man" and Lee Majors are not cheddar shredders. I think the the title of this show was very misleading and if I was of the litigious nature I would totally sue the man who created this program. Thankfully, I am not, fore I am way too busy getting drunk, spending money and hitting on chicks to do that.

Yeah, sure, we'll see about that, baby.

Book Deal.

2008-04-20T20:29:00.002-04:00

Like many other popular "bloggers" we were recently offered a book deal. It is pretty cool. Please take the time to watch this commercial that we did. This should be airing on public access stations across the country any day now. A book tour will commence this summer with stops from coast to coast.

Now you may have noticed that our names are not listed as Mitch Little and Bob-A-Lob. Well, yeah, I don't know how they messed that up.

Ways To Score Babes.

2008-04-19T11:46:00.004-04:00

It is like 80 degrees today in Buffalo, New York. Colour me excited. I am going to spend the next fourteen hours prepping myself for sex with a stranger. Let me tell you how I am going to do so.

After finishing this post, I am going to leave work, at which time I am going to join some friends in a local park. While I am there I am going to find an old woman and steal her dog. With this dog I am going to approach hot babes and and tell them how I love it. I will then give babes my phone number and tell them to call me later if they would like "a couple of drinks".

Then I am going to start pounding beers with some buddies on a nice patio. We will get super bombed and spend a ton of cash while doing so. Many women will be impressed at this time. I will suggest that they take a number because there are so many babes that want to do me. All of the babes will oblige because their desire to do me overwhelms any small principals that they may have involving their sexuality.

I will do my best to do every babe that wants to do me. Hopefully I can finish doing all of these chicks by Monday because Mondays are usually pretty busy for me at work. Ah, who gives a fuck, I can sleep all week if I need to.

Black Out Blues

2008-04-17T14:49:00.004-04:00

Spending money is excellent. It enables you to do many wonderful things and provides opportunities that poor people will never, ever experience. However there is one, rather obvious, downside to spending copious amounts of cash on extravagant things. Especially if one of those items is an excess of alcohol.

The beauty of alcohol is that it gives you confidence, good looks, impaired eye sight and makes you super sexy. Sadly though, when consumed in excess (what other way is there?), makes you forget all of the cool shit that you did the night before.

So often times I get phone calls from friends of mine during the morning who are looking to reminisce on the previous nights happenings. Thankfully I have friends like this, other wise I wouldn't know half of the cool shit that I do.

Take for example last week, I was just hanging out drinking and spending when without even realizing it until the next morning I had partaken in and won a bet for $20. Awesome. Or, believe it or not this happens quite often , I will wake up around 6am to take a piss and there will be a woman I don't even know in the bed! oh man, I hope that I wore a condom!

I guess it is really a chicken or the egg question. Is it better to remember the awesome shit that you do and be sober or is it better to get shit faced and hope that your friends remember the awesome shit that you do? I will always opt for the later. Some of my friends are poor and cannot afford to get as drunk as me. I will count on them to remember the details. I will buy them a beer for efforts.

Tax Time.

2008-04-15T11:05:00.003-04:00

Of course I am going to post an I.R.S. video today. We helped you last month with some last minute tax tips. Today, being the last day to file your taxes without severe penalties. I kind of wish that I had just saved that video for today but I thought it was too funny to hold onto until today. Instead, you get this piece of gold, I.R.S. with Jerry Lawler in the King's Court.

Everybody knows that the Undertaker is a tax cheat...

Best Of Buffalo

2008-04-14T14:02:00.003-04:00

Tonight is the 14th annual "Artvoice" Best of Buffalo award ceremony. The show brings together the best of food, drink, "style", and people, among other things, in this wonderful city. Needless to say, as the best sex machine/money mauler in Buffalo I will be in attendance.

So you can imagine my surprise when I opened this week's local Artvoice newspaper and I didn't see any mention of my name in it. Worse yet, there were no categories for "Most awesome waste of cash", "Dude who got the most wasted" or "Guy who layed pipe on the most babes"!

At that time is when I decided that I would be "crashing" the party tonight. Now, a man of my wealth, fame and good looks is never actually crashing a party. In fact, more often than not, my invitation is just forgotten in the mail (fucking postal service). So as I was preparing this post to tell you how I would be going to the Best Of Buffalo party in an effort to rectify the glaring omission of leaving my name off of the ballot, I found something wonderful. I searched best of buffalo and I found pictures of some real hot chicks. Which got me excited. I mean, if they are going to be there, then I can do them and the judges will see how awesome I am! A foolproof plan if I have ever heard one.

So babes, (cough Kim Alexis, cough)I will be the especially drunk guy at Artvoice's Best Of Buffalo tonight. I will be flaunting cash and, more than likely, having sex in the bathroom of the Town Ballroom tonight. And yes, it will be the ladies bathroom.

With The Weather Breaking...

2008-04-12T13:23:00.001-04:00

The winters in Buffalo, NY are as long as they are hard. Meteorologist would have you believe that is starts snowing in October and doesn't stop until May. Where as we do get snow in both October and May there are no less than six days in between where the skies are clear and the flurries stay in their cloudy homes.

So when spring arrives most Buffaloanians celebrate by getting wasted for like 3 weeks straight, myself included. That is why our posts have been a little bit more sparse in these parts the past week or two. I have been pretty busy getting totally shitfaced and macking chicks; but rather than doing it inside of a bar, I am now doing it on a patio and the women have less clothes on. Which is sweet.

So the posting may not be as prolific as it has been during these colder months, but in turn there are way more people out who will be impressed with our spending. Also it is a proven fact that babes are like 114% hornier during the summer.

Also, with sluts abounding, the odds of totally hilarious stories to tell you, the reader, increases exponentially. So enjoy the nice weather, we plan on doing the same. Though, to be honest, I am sure that our summers are going to be way sexier than yours.

An Open Letter To Sophie Monk:

2008-04-10T13:25:00.003-04:00

Dear Sohpie,

Recently, I came across a pop up add with your picture on it which took me to this site . I had heard your name before but I never knew what you looked like. Now, well, it is forever etched in my memory.

I see that Mr. Seacrest doesn't want to be scene with you. Well, Sophie, I would be more than happy to be scene with you. In fact, I would even go so far as doing the following things in public with you.

-Making out.
-Letting you touch my wiener.
-Giving me oral sex.
-Having vaginal sex.

The best part about our pending nuptials, well at least from my perspective seems quite clear. You are a starlet who I have never heard of. While doing a google image seach or you I see you hanging out with Nicole Richie, a dude from Good Charlotte and you standing in front of a bunch of posters for shitty movies. So it is clear to me that you have little to no money. Well guess what!?! I have a ton. I am also willing to give you some of it in exchange for sexual acts.

So let me know if you are into it. You can reach me at Makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com . My last girlfriend told me I was pretty good at sex. I doubt that she was wrong. So, yeah, holler at your baller!

Not All Boobs Are Created Equal.

2008-04-09T21:00:00.002-04:00

Ted Dibiase, you will never stop making us smile.

I have to believe that had Jimmy Snuka not taken that money that "The Million Dollar Man" would have walked to the other room and shown those fly shorties how to party. Well, at least that is what I would have done.

Song Profile.

2008-04-07T18:56:00.004-04:00

Currently the song "Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey sits atop the Billboard Hot 100 charts. Today we will profile this song. (editors note: I have never heard this song)

MC, you're the place to be
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Umm okay, nothing too provocative so far...

I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I'd be all up on you
I know you got that fever for me
102
And boy I know I feel the same
My temperature's through the roof

So she wants to do me. I am cool with that. I like doing chicks.

If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

....ummm does she realize that I am blogging about this right now? I mean, I am not taping anything, that would be awesome but I lack the proper amount of space on my digital camera. I suppose that I could buy another one with all of the money that I have but, well, I have just sort of been too busy getting drunk and having tons of sex.

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

That is more like it. I don't want to hear you complaining about shit. I am just going to do you real proper, then I will pay you and you can leave.

Boy you can put me on you
Like a brand new white tee
I'll hug your body tighter
Than my favorite jeans
I want you to caress me
Like a tropical breeze
And float away with you
In the Caribbean Sea

Mariah you have painted a lovely, lovely picture for me there...

If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my business
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Enough already, I told you I am not taping this shit. Dudes do not like watching themselves do it. It is gross. I have seen myself masturbating in a bathroom mirror before. It is gross. That is why I am straight. Weiners are gross.

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

I wish she had a verse or a chorus about money. That would be cool. Or a verse about getting bombed. Here at making it rain we do love doing chicks, we do, but we are also concerned with making cash, spending cash or more speficially, wasting cash.

Imma treat you like a teddy bear
You won't wanna go nowhere
In the lap of luxury
Laying intertwined with me
You won't want for nothing boy
I will give you plenty of joy
Touch my body

Teddy Bear, huh? I am cool with that.

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah oh yeah
Oh oh oh oh yeah
Touch my body...

Well, I have to go and ummm... watch baseball, yeah that's it, watch baseball. Bye.

How To Make $100 In Five Minutes.

2008-04-05T12:26:00.002-04:00

After reading that headline on youtube (while searching money) I will admit that I was interested. I mean, we here at making it rain are busy guys. Busy working, busy getting wasted and busy hooking up with babes. I have to admit, it is a pretty awesome life. Anyway, upon finding this headline I thought to myself, "Hey, Mitch Little, I bet that you could afford to spend five minutes to make $100 that you could foolishly spend on getting some chick drunk enough to make out with you!" So I decided to watch the video.

Well, they did it alright. $100 in five minutes. I have to admit though, I am not going to dance around like a bozo while I am waiting for the process to complete itself. Those guys looked like idiots. I will let everyone know if this really works when I get around to it. I mean, you try updating a daily blog when you literally have to fight off women who want to suck you off every second of every day.

Hate The Player, Not The Game.

2008-04-03T16:26:00.003-04:00

Recently a making it rain writer who shall remain nameless was in San Fransisco for a week on business. After a long day of buying and selling the most sought after real estate in the entire Bay area he decided to go out and have a few beverages with his co-workers.

Now as many of you already know, once one begins drinking it is nearly impossible to stay in the same bar for too long. You decide that none of the beers satisfy your palates enough or perhaps the ladies at your current bar are of questionable character. Questionable in that they won't do you of course.

So after leaving a bar or eight my fellow making it rain writer found himself the last man standing amongst his co-workers. Not a tremendously big deal, often times we find ourselves as the last one out. But this night while on the prowl for booze and broads my fellow making it rain writer ran into what is regarded as an enemy to both the baller and the common man. The pathetic street thug who is trying to emulate us though ways other than hard work. You may know him by their common name; a mugger.

The knife wielding man asked my fellow making it rain writer for his wallet. This came as no surprise to the co-founder of this site. He imagined that this "wanna be baller" had read out site and imagined he had mad cash inside of his wallet. Little did he know exactly how much money he had. Upon opening the wallet the "gangsta" was amazed and realized that the wallet was just too thick with money and credit cards to steal everything out of it. That or surely if he took the whole wallet that he would be slowed down by its massive weight long enough for the police to catch him.

So the would be crook looked at the real baller in awe and realized that not only could he not get away with all of this money but that my fellow writer would be able to spend it in much more creative ways! He then realized that he did not want to miss out on the enjoyment of reading about it at a later date! So the "punk ass bitch who robbed my friend" took a small amount of cash and ran off into the San Fransisco moonlight. Just remember punk ass, he remembers your face and if you ever come to Portland or Buffalo that you fat ass wanna be baller ass is going down.

Becoming More Environmentally Conscious

2008-04-01T10:00:00.005-04:00

The other day I watched the movie An Inconvenient Truth directed by former Vice President Al Gore. While watching this movie I became increasingly interested in the environment and what the future holds for my children and my children's children. I mean, the movement is called "Going Green" and money is green so I thought maybe this would be cool.

While watching to movie I learned many interesting facts. For example, did you know that carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere and temperatures are rising!!! Oh no, I sure hope that lighting $100 bills to light my cigarette isn't harmful to the environment!!

Also it it is alleged in the film that that malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level. I am not quite sure what that has to do with global warming but it is upsetting just the same!

Or did you know that the number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years? Well, the truth is that is not really any surprise to me, you know, with all of the rain making that we are making happen.

Happy April Fool's day you stupid fucks. Don't worry, we will never give a shit about the environment.

Hating It Rain.

2008-03-30T10:20:00.005-04:00

Missy Elliot is a 5 time Grammy award winner who has sold over 7.6 million records. Terrific, good for her. I can respect a sister with some gold records and statuettes. Today though, we are profiling her because on her 1997 debut record she said "I Can't Stand The Rain" and thusly we have gotten pretty pissed off about that.

In the song, Missy sings (err, raps?) "I can't stand the rain/'gainst my window". In fact the phrase seems to account for about 85% of the lyrics in the said song. That is a lot of anti rain making sentiment.

With that said, Missy has made no effort in later works to correct this early flaw of her career. In songs such as "Loose Control", "Get Yr Freak On" and "Gossip Folks" Missy has talked about topics such as loosing weight, getting her snatch licked and made up some sort of goofy language prominently featuring the letter "z". At no point does she talk about making scratch.

So Missy, we hear that you may have a new album coming out. Please do us all a favor and make it as sweet as all of the other rap songs on the top of the charts. Take a hint from Usher or Ludacris. We do not want to her about dudes licking you. We want to hear about money, money, money.

Thank you for taking the time to hear us out.

My Mom.

2008-03-29T12:11:00.002-04:00

We all have parents that have ingrained a certain way of life on us. Some of our parents have taught us racially equality, conversely some have taught their children racism. Some parents have pushed athletics on their children while still others have stressed the importance of schooling. Other parents who were dirt poor have shown their children how to be poor. My mom on the other hand is a lot like the million dollar man and flaunts cash like it is no big deal. I suppose that is where I get it from.

For the record, that nerdy kid just thinks my mom was pissed. She was actually totally cool with it.

Gangs.

2008-03-27T13:14:00.005-04:00

BUFFALO, N.Y. (WIVB) - - Buffalo Police are issuing a warning for all motorists tonight, Wednesday.

They have credible information that there could be some sort of gang initiation this evening that could include purposely striking vehicles from behind.

Police say if this happens to you, you should stay in your car and call 9-1-1 for help.

That was the message that was broadcasted all across the greater Buffalo Niagara region last night. Do not get out of your cars if hit from behind because a "gang" is using the tactic to initiate their new members.

This got me to thinking. What happened to gangs that did sweet shit to initiate their members? You know, like slicing faces, murdering people or taking an ass load of angel dust. Have gangs gotten so suburban that their members crash into people with their suburbans?

But then it hit me, I thought to myself "Hey, Mitch Little, these gang bangers are wanna be Hayley Love's!" It all makes sense now! It is just a bunch of drunk teenagers in Buffalo looking to get two D.W.I's in one night. I have heard of copy cat murderers but this takes the diamond encrusted cake. Well played out there future ballers. In the hands of someone like Hayley Love I am quite sure that you are all safe.

Song Profile.

2008-03-26T15:20:00.003-04:00

In our latest installment of "song profiles" we are looking at "C.R.E.A.M" by Wu-Tang Clan. I have a feeling that this is going to be a good one...

What that nigga want God?
Word up, look out for the cops (Wu-Tang five finger shit)
(Cash Rules) Word up, two for fives over here baby
Word up, two for fives them niggaz got garbage down the way, word up
KnowhatI'msayin?
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M. get...)
Yeah, check this ol fly shit out
Word up
(Cash Rules Everything Around Me) Take you on a natural joint
(C.R.E.A.M. get the money) Here we here we go
(dolla dolla bill y'all) Check this shit, yo!

Oh baby! This shit starts off pretty awesome. I have a feeling that they are going to be talking an awful lot about making money. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

I grew up on the crime side, the New York Times side
Staying alive was no jive
At second hands, moms bounced on old men
So then we moved to Shaolin land
A young youth, yo rockin the gold tooth, 'Lo goose
Only way, I begin to gee off was drug loot
And let's start it like this son, rollin with this one
And that one, pullin out gats for fun
But it was just a dream for the teen, who was a fiend
Started smokin woolies at sixteen
And running up in gates, and doing hits for high stakes
Making my way on fire escapes
No question I would speed, for cracks and weed
The combination made my eyes bleed
No question I would flow off, and try to get the dough all
Sticking up white boys in ball courts
My life got no better, same damn 'Lo sweater
Times is ruff and tuff like leather
Figured out I went the wrong route
So I got with a sick ass click and went all out
Catchin keys from across seas
Rollin in MPV's, every week we made forty G's
Yo nigga respect mine, or anger the tech nine
Ch-chick-POW! Move from the gate now

Well played Rakewon. You hit the following "buzz" words which give you points in our eyes.
-Tech nine
-Gats
-Sticking up white boys
-Speed
-Weed

There was some other sweet shit in there too, but if we kept up with that I might as well just copy and paste that entire verse.

Cash, Rules, Everything, Around, Me
C.R.E.A.M.
Get the money
Dollar, dollar bill y'all

M-E-T-H-O-D MAN! yes,yes,yes.

It's been twenty-two long hard years of still strugglin
Survival got me buggin, but I'm alive on arrival
I peep at the shape of the streets
And stay awake to the ways of the world cause shit is deep
A man with a dream with plans to make C.R.E.A.M.
Which failed; I went to jail at the age of 15
A young buck sellin drugs and such who never had much
Trying to get a clutch at what I could not... could not...
The court played me short, now I face incarceration
Pacin -- going up state's my destination
Handcuffed in back of a bus, forty of us
Life as a shorty shouldn't be so ruff
But as the world turns I learned life is hell
Living in the world no different from a cell
Everyday I escape from Jakes givin chase, sellin base
Smokin bones in the staircase
Though I don't know why I chose to smoke sess
I guess that's the time when I'm not depressed
But I'm still depressed, and I ask what's it worth?
Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth
Who explained working hard may help you maintain
to learn to overcome the heartaches and pain
We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks
and stray shots, all on the block that stays hot
Leave it up to me while I be living proof
To kick the truth to the young black youth
But shorty's running wild smokin sess drinkin beer
And ain't trying to hear what I'm kickin in his ear
Neglected, but now, but yo, it gots to be accepted
That what? That life is hectic

Inspector Deck made balling sound un-awesome. That is not cool. The game is the game and it 'aint never gonna change, BOR-RING.

Niggas gots to do what they gotta do, to get a bill
YaknowhatI'msayin?
Cuz we can't just get by no more
Word up, we gotta get over, straight up and down

Time for a babe!

Cash Rules Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M.
get the money
Dolla dolla bill y'aauhhhaaaauhhhhahhhauhhhhll, YEAH

I have to be honest, of all of the songs we have profiled this one is the most money making tune yet. I mean shit, it is Wu-Tang, it is C.R.E.A.M. . So next time you are out at a bar, find the digital jukebox, download this tune and watch all of the bitches run out of the bar. The only people left will be fellow ballers. Then you can really get down.

You know what they say, money makes the world go 'round.

I've Got Your Paycheck On My Goddamned Living Room Floor.

2008-03-25T09:23:00.003-04:00

Readers Carl and Eddie sent in this video of them attempting to ball like us.

Close Carl and Eddie, but see the main problem with your video is that you have no babes in it. Sure, you got the money. Whatever, anyone can have cash. I need to see hot ass bitches and some Hennessy to be impressed. Keep at it and maybe one day you two can be real ballers. Don't count on it though.

Dyngus Day.

2008-03-24T09:09:00.006-04:00

If there is one thing that a baller does not need, it is an excuse to party. You know our feelings on the holidays , St. Patty's Day, New Year's Eve and Mardi Gras. We feel those are best left to amateurs. Dyngus Day on the other hand, is the kind of holiday specifically engineered to people like us.

Now you may not know exactly what Dyngus day is, well thankfully we are here at making it rain want to let you know. Simply put, it is the day after Easter Sunday when people, primarily (but not limited to) of Polish decent get totally fucked up. On this day the dudes beat the chicks with pussy willows and the babes drench dudes with squirt guns. Personally, the other way around makes more sense to me, but hey, who am I to argue with a holiday that is over 1,000 years old.

Now, due to years of ridicule during elementary school and many jokes that use "Polock" rather than "Blacks" or "Retards" or "Micks" or whatever, well, needless to say Polish women have a lot of insecurities that you can exploit on this holiday.

So , ladies, if you feel so inclinded you can find me at the parade. I will be the one with the giant wad of cash in one hand, a huge ass beer in the other and a giant boner is his pants.

Out To Dinner.

2008-03-23T19:13:00.004-04:00

Usually here at making it rain we have a tendency to spend most of our money between the hours of 10pm to 4am. We feel like it is the best time to spend your money for the following reasons.

Girls prefer having sex when it is dark out.
Day drinking, generally, impedes the amount of shit you can get done at work
People are more impressed with you flaunting your cash when they are drunk
You forget that you spent the money until the morning
Did I mention women are looser?

With that said last night I decided to change my general Saturday night agenda. I found myself the most beautiful, expensive escort in all of the city and took her to the most extravagant, luxurious restaurant in all of Buffalo, NY.

Upon our arrival I told the young lady, "Baby, anything you want tonight, you got it." Naturally, she immediately took me to the bathroom and began sucking me off. Thankfully, the restaurant was kind enough to hold our reservation for us while we were in the bathroom. At that point I asked the young man who was serving us to bring us the second most expensive bottle of wine that they had. You see, I didn't want to seem pretentious, I think she found it refreshing.

So after our ambrosial appetizers, we dined on the most huge ass steaks they had this side of the Mississippi. Actually, come to think of it I think the server mentioned them being from Omaha but I was more concerned with pounding more wine.

and pussy.

After receiving the bill I handed off my card to the server and shortly there after he brought it back. After leaving the bill out in the open so the shorty I was with could see just how much money I was throwing away at her expense, she noticed that the credit card was charged $50 less than the actual bill. Now most penny pinchers would quickly sign their receipts and get the hell out of there. Not me though. I said

"Garcon, I believe that there is a mistake with the bill, you have undercharged me."

"It seems that way sir" He responded. Needless to say the babe was impressed. We then proceed to do it for like six hours.

It was pretty cool.

Revealing Our True Identities

2008-03-22T12:03:00.003-04:00

As of late many anonymous bloggers have been revealing their true identities to the rest of the world. Some have said it is because it doesn't seem fair that we (bloggers) get to talk mad shit on them (anyone else in the world) and they don't have anything more than a comment board or an email address to respond to. Well, in the light of us making fun of Hayley Love and Elliot Spitzer I wanted them to have names and faces to put to us so that if they wish, they can properly respond.

Well the time is now. Our names are Mitch Little and Bob-a-Lob. We are seventeen year old aspiring rappers. You can still reach us through the comment board or our email, makingitrainwebsite@yahoo.com

enjoy our first video.

The gentleman who joins us at the table for the end of the video is Slim. He is a tremendously awesome money mauler but he is a little too modest to write about it. Also in the video is our dog, his name is Parsons.

Battle of the Ballers.

2008-03-21T11:39:00.006-04:00

In the latest installment of Battle of the Ballers we are going to pit two of the biggest, baddest cheddar shredder's since the beginning of time against each other. Now, let it be said, this is quite the historical battle so we are going to have to one's era into account. For example, Babe Ruth hit 54 home runs in 1920, the second closest to him was Cy Williams who hit 15. Now when Alex Rodriguez hit 54 home runs this past season with the New York Yankees his closest competitor for the home run crown was Prince Feilder of the Milwaukee Brewers who hit 50. By contrasting those two seasons it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Babe Ruth was much better, relative to his competition, than A-Rod.

So lets keep these baseball players in mind before we start this battle. We are going to assume that both of these prospective ballers are making it rain in today's environment that features sluttier women, rap music and flashier cars than in their heyday. Without any further adieu let's break this thing down Dr. Jack style. Babe Ruth against Alex Rodriguez.

You see what I did there. In the first paragraph I made you think that I was just using those two as an example so that you would better understand. Then I used them for real. HA! Yet I digress. Let's take a look at the following categories.

babes scored
beers pounded
cash made

So here we go. First off, who scored the most babes?

Babe Ruth may or may not have contracted at least four STD's in his lifetime. The odds are that he did. I have done absolutely no research to confirm this but I am not sure if condom's were even invented yet. Plus, if you take into context the era in which Babe scored his babes this becomes all the more impressive. There was this little thing called prohibition going on. Now I don't know if you have ever tried to have sex with a girl when she was sober but, shit man, it is tough. A-Rod on the other hand has been accused of liking "She-male muscular types". Gross. Score one for the Babe.

Next, beers pounded:

Well I don't know if A-Rod is even allowed to drink beers. With today's training regimen's and all of the steroids that you have to take to be a pro baseball player I don't know if you even have time to pound beers. Or pussies for that matter, but we have already been over that. Babe Ruth is well known for his propensity to get bombed. It is rumored that he once drank 246 beers, 13 bottles of Jack and then had a glass of wine for dessert. It was either him or Andre the Giant but I am sure that I heard it about one of them.

Next, who has the most cheddar?

Well, Ruth was sold from the Boston Red Sox to the New York Yankees in 1919 for $125,000. A-Rod just signed his second contract that will net him no less than $250 million over the next ten years. Ummmm...... Well, without getting all technical with inflation rates on you, A-Rod has mad cash. Ruth 'aint got shit. If they were to go to the Emerald Club today A-Rod could afford like 20 five diamond sluts. Ruth would spend his money on hot dogs and hand jobs. A-Rod is totally the winner on this one.

And with a total of two wins to one, Babe Ruth is the superior baller. On both kinds of diamonds. A-Rod can take solace in the fact that he has enough cash that he has to come up with creative ways to use it.

Weekly Million Dollar Man Video.

2008-03-20T20:04:00.003-04:00

He sounds very angry in this interview. I think that he might have ingested some expensive steroids before this was shot. Yeah, I am pretty positive about that.

Money isn't everything, it is the only thing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

How To Alienate People.

2008-03-20T14:57:00.004-04:00

Often times I like to go out and enjoy a few drinks. Any long time reader knows that. When you do this as often as I do though, it gets difficult from time to time to find new and exciting ways to spend money. So yesterday while I was at work I decided to organize a party for one of my employee's who will be leaving the company at the end of the week.

So I arrived at a local tavern a little early just so that I could let the bartender know that it might be in his best interest to test his fire extinguisher before the party gets started. The bartender gave me a knowing smile and said, "Don't worry sure, I remember you from last week, I tested it as soon as I saw your car."

So after making sure that the bartender had all of the tools that are imperative in putting out fires; Then I had to begin thinking to myself, how can I remind that even though we are outside of work that I am still their boss?

Then it hit me. What better way to show you are a baller than reminding everyone else at work how much more you make than them! Now I know what you are thinking. Paying for the drinks all night, that seems like a nice thing to do. Well, maybe. The trick is when they thank you to say things like "oh, it's just money" or "I make at least three times what you make, don't worry about it!"

When I decided that I had spent a suitable amount of money, I found the most beautiful woman in the bar, left my co workers, and asked her to leave with me. Naturally she obliged. I don't think I need to tell you what I did to her.

Song Profile.

2008-03-19T15:38:00.003-04:00

The Song "Love In The Club" by Usher featuring Young Jeezy currently sits atop the Billboard hot 100 charts. We here at making it rain are going to analyze the lyrics to determine if this song rules.

I do it for the ladies
I gotta keep it hood
Where we at Polo? ('EY)
I see you right
Yo Keith You was right
We just gettin started
YEAHHHHHH MAN

Well this is hardly the auspicious start that I had hoped for....

You say you searching for somebody
That'll take you out and do you right
Well come here baby and let daddy show you what it feel like
You know all you gotta do is tell me what you sippin' on (sippin on sippin on) (ey)
And I promise that I’m gonna keep it comin’ all night long
Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side
And I think miss shorty I’ve got a thing for you
Doin’ it on purpose Windin and workin’ it
I can tell by the way you lookin’ at me girl

Alright now this is alright. Talking about buying a shorty drinks ALL night long, getting her real drunk and then it sounds like he is going to do her super hard. This verse is is approved by MakingItRain.

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

Well, my feelings are that he should be saying "I want to do your right now in this club" but I guess that some ladies don't like being spoken to like that. oh well.

(Listen) Got some friends rollin’ wit you baby then thats cool (thats cool, thats cool)
You can leave em wit my niggaz let em know that I got you (got u, got u)
If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind (my mind, my mind)
Cos the way you staring miss you got me wantin to give it to you all night
Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side
I cant take it no more baby im comin for(editors note: this should say on, not in, don't you think?) you
You keep doin’ it on purpose whindin and workin’ it
If we close our eyes it could be just me and you

I like his thinking here. Usher is a nice dude. In fact he is a lot like me. How? Well, since you are asking let me tell you. Like myself, Usher has tons of babes wanting to do him all of the time. Like Usher, I often times pass some of my extra babes off to my friends. The woman aren't as pleased but my friends couldn't be happier. And that is what nice dudes like Usher and I do for our friends.

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I have already made my feelings on this part pretty clear. Here is a hot babe

POLO YOU A FOOL FOR THIS ONE HOMIE
IM ON EM, YEAHHHH
LETS GO!!
I’m what you want, I’m what you need
He got you trapped, I’ll set you free
Sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally
I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me
It’s going down on isle 3. I’ll bag you like some groceries
And every time you think about it you gon’ want some more of me
Bout to hit the club, make a movie yeah rated R
Pulled up like a trap star, thats if you had
(in the car) Have you ever made love to a thug in the club with his sights on?
87 Jeans and a fresh pair of Nikes on
On the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor
You can meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m tryna go

hehehehe. Young Jeezy is awesome! I love rap music.

Might as well give me a kiss, if we keep touchin like this
i know you scared baby, They dont know what we doin
Lets both get undressed right here, keep it up girl i swear, imma give it to you non stop
and i dont care, who's watchin...watchin...watchin
(watchin watchin...ohhhh...in this club, on the floor, baby's just makin love)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
(lovin in...lovin in this club. 'eyyy...yea...ey..ey..love...in the club..in the club, ur the one, can u freak me babe?)

I think that is is spectacular that the children of today can listen to this on the radio. This is going to influience all 13 year old girls to become whores and all 13 year old boys to become total ballers who love doing whores. America, I like the way you are looking. MakingItRain has decided that this song is more than tolerable. Nice job Usher and Young Jeezy.

Aren't You Glad We Didn't Go To High School Here?

2008-03-18T14:50:00.005-04:00

BOR-RING!!!!!

This immediately becomes reason number 46 that I am glad I did not grow up in Waterloo. Right in between reason number 45, no hot chicks and number 47, fiscal responsibility. Reason number 1, naturally, is that I hear that the Mountie's up there are known to give up to three dwi's to drivers in one night! Good thing Hayley doesn't live up there!

St. Patrick's Day.

2008-03-17T19:04:00.008-04:00

On days like today ballers like the writers here at MakingItRain have a tendencey to sort of take the day off. We feel as if the act of rain making is better left to professionals like ourselves. When you have amateur rain makers out there things can get a little dangerous.

Yesterday was the annual St. Patricks Day Parade in Buffalo, New York. This event will usually bring out anywhere from 75,000 to 100,000 people according to the Buffalo News. Which is pretty much the entire population of Buffalo. Drinking generally commences around 9am and goes from anywhere to 10am to 7am the next day. Generally, I would give a 21 hour drinking binge two thumbs up. Think of all of the money you would have to spend drinking that much. Plus I am not even sure someone could drink for that long so the odds are they took a break around Midnight to score a babe or two. Again, I would refer to those actions as totally sweet.

There is one shorty though who might have to take the honors for the most crazy bitch in the greater Buffalo area from the St. Patty's day holiday. Mind you, we do not condone the actions of this woman but shiiiiiiiiiit you have gotta be some kind of bad ass to get away with this.

http://www.buffalonews.com/258/story/301538.html

She got two dwi's in one night. First off, I want to state that in no way do we condone drunk driving. When you have as much scratch as us you can afford to take a limo wherever you want. It is not a big deal. Now that we have that out of the way, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I mean, how do you even do that? Don't they send you to jail after your first one? So after she gets her first DWI she goes to pick up her boyfriend and the two of them break into her boyfriends mother's house!?!? That is crazy. I mean, I guess that if you are drunk enough to break into your possible one day mother in law's house and you are driving that you may deserve a DWI, but, man, this is just too funny.

So here is to you Hayley Love, I hope that your lawyers can roll these two charges into one. Think of it like when you get a parking ticket. You should have just left that DWI ticket on your windshield then maybe you would have only gotten one.

ballah hollah

2008-03-15T18:30:00.010-04:00

In case you haven't noticed we really like to talk about ourselves. It's hard not to, though, when your doing amazing shit nearly every minute of the day. Well here at making it rain, we occasionally will take time out of our awesome lives to acknowledge others that live up to our standards.
The first would be a man that I can personally vouch for as being a total bad ass. A couple of weeks back at some party, after pounding two malt liquor 40s, I was given the propers by some dude for my achievement. He then suggested we celebrate by shotgunning deuce-deuces of Camo. It was then I realized that this was no ordinary party goer...it was none other than C-REX. While everyone else in the party was sipping on their PBRs and Hamm's ironically we were out back recounting tales about how fucking cool we are. By now, you must know that much about me so I will present some evidence that, in fact, other ballers do exist. Just watch this video and see for yourself.

and if your still not convinced...go to this website

Okay, Okay...so your probably now convinced about how fucking cool the people we role with are but let me tell you a little story. Apparently, after getting paid ($2000) from a show he just finished, C REX then took that money (which he was supposed to use to go visit his girlfriend) and bought everyone in the venue drinks and then made a 40 sculpture of himself. With that said, I would like to induct C REX as an honorary member of Making it Rain.

Hating It Rain.

2008-03-13T12:57:00.005-04:00

So remember that cool sociology 101 professor from your first year in college? The one who really opened up your eyes to all of the outrages going on in the world. The one who may or may not have influenced you to take up anthropology. Well there is little to no doubt in my mind that this professor had you read "Nickeled and Dimed: On(Not) Getting By In America" by Barbara Ehrenreich.

Barbara decided that for this book she was going to do some modern muckraking to prove that you can't get by with a shitty ass job. Starting off in her own backyard, Ehrenreich searched for lodging and a job in neighboring Key West, Florida. After Securing jobs at two restaurants, and a one-day housekeeping stint, she worked for one month before giving into the hard work of an extremely busy night at the restaurant; she walked out, then she headed to Portland, Maine, without an automobile, for a fresh start. Well, Barb, I bet it would be a lot easier to secure a stable living if you didn't walk out on your job when it got too hard, huh? Stupid Bitch.

After arriving in Maine, Ehrenreich landed two more jobs after a four day search, one as an assistant at a nursing home and another as a maid at a cleaning franchise. Worn down by her work-load and work-related stress, she traveled to her final destination, Minneapolis, Minnesota, where she is employed in the women's department at a Wal-Mart before ultimately ending her investigation. Even with the odds stacked on her side -- a car, no kids taking her dough, and a boat load of cash to start off with -- Ehrenreich failed to achieve a baller lifestyle. Though, I have to admit, the one thing not in her favor, quitting every job she has.

So where did all of this get you, Barb? See the thing is by forgoing your modest middle class means and trying to prove a point you wound up with no money looking like a fat ass Chuck Klosterman.

Are you happy with that decision? You are trying to glorify a lifestyle that is stupid. I think for your next book maybe you should write about what it is like to be homeless for a couple of months. I am sure people will love reading that. If you want to give me a signed copy of that when it is finished you can find me at the top of the best seller charts with my book "How to make a ton of cash and score a ton of ass"

*For the record, we don't disagree with her idea. I mean, who knows if those suckers with minimum wage jobs can pay their bills. At Making It Rain we decided early on that it was important to get high paying jobs so that we could have nice things, get drunk often and score tons of chicks. So far, so good.

With Tax Season Looming...

2008-03-11T10:44:00.002-04:00

There are like a million old Money Inc. videos that will get posted on this site before all is said and done. Here is one half of the former 3 time WWF tag team champions, I.R.S. doling out some tax advice for all of you tax cheating schlubs out there.

Please Govenor, Please.

2008-03-10T15:28:00.003-04:00

First and foremost I would like to state that this blog has no political affiliations what so ever. Each and every writer and making it rain comes from different backgrounds and have their own political beliefs that we hold true to ourselves but would never publicize here. Some of us hate high taxes because it takes spending money out of our pockets. On the other hand others here love high taxes because we like to show homeless people how much is deducted from our check every week.

Now, with that said, Elliot Spitzer, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

Now I realize that dear old Elliot is not the first politician to have some mild indiscretions with the "ladies", nor do I believe that he will be the last. The fact is that he is the first to get busted since this blog has been in existence, so for that reason alone I feel as if he should be honored for getting down on some whores. I mean, look at this guy, He needs a whore. It's not like every guy can look like a making it rain writer.

Also, here is a picture of him with a woman. I assume that he paid for her to follow him and then felate him afterwards. Awesome, awesome, so very awesome.

Well Elliot, here is to you, first off for getting me to update twice in one day. Secondly for making me crack up super hard. Last but not least we here at making it rain want to thank you for letting us post a picture of this woman.

who may or not have been the prostitute that cost you your governorship. Idiot.

Office Parties.

2008-03-10T10:59:00.002-04:00

A wise man once told me that there was no such thing as a bad party. Over the years I find myself inclined to agree with the old man. Sure, some parties have proved to be more fun than others. Some parties, if not for the presence of alcohol might have been god awful in fact, thankfully though, there is always free booze and often times free food. Whenever free food and free booze are around it is an excellent recipe for a baller to show off how much he can drink. This, more often than not, results in a good time had by all.

In my opinion though, there is one kind of party that stands out amongst all others. This is the work party. As most of you know, part of being a money mauler is giving up a good chunk of your day to the man. Slaving away, be it at a nine to five, an eight to six or maybe even a nine to nine if you are very ambitious. For the record, no real baller works the night shift, 'cos, y'know, that is when the sluts are out.

Now since you give most of your time to your boss it is only fair that when he presents the opportunity to drink away his cash, well, you should take advantage of this. It is recommended that you drink top shelf manhattans, do shots of patron with any good looking co-workers and if you are feeling especially wasteful, act like a girl and spill your drink while you are in the bathroom. This will create the illusion that you are drinking more than you actually are while still not costing you a penny. Talk about a win win situation!

Another awesome part about the night is that since you don't have to spend a penny on booze or food that you can tip the bartenders far much more than they deserve. You can tell them, "hey buddy, I used to tend bar in college, it will get better, look at all of this!!!! ahahahahaha!" The bartender will respect you and the shorties from your office will think that you are super cool too. Just be careful that you are impressing the hot, young women from a few cubicles down and not Agnus and Barb from accounting.

The Christmas party this year was awful man, ughh.

Battle of the Ballers.

2008-03-09T15:05:00.007-04:00

Tonight is the series finale of the critically acclaimed HBO series The Wire. The show has received critical acclaim for its realistic portrayal of urban life and uncommonly deep exploration of sociological themes, and has been named the best show on television by TIME, Entertainment Weekly, The Guardian,the Chicago Tribune,Slate,the San Francisco Chronicle,Philadelphia Daily News and me. Despite the positive reviews, the show has failed to draw an audience commensurate with its press.

Most of the readers of this blog don't have the time do watch television, you are far to busy spending cash, getting wasted and doing chicks. I understand this but this show displays some baller ass shit such as slinging drugs and having mad cash. Plus a bunch off pussies get off'ed which is sweet. Today we are going to go over the two main ballers in this show, Marlo Stanfield and Avon Barksdale to figure out which of these ballers flaunts the most cheddar. First up, Avon Barksdale.

Avon was the number one baller when the show started in 2002. He ran all of West Baltimore and had no less than two people who testified against his crew murdered for being snitchin' ass bitches. Him and his boy Stringer Bell had the most cash and ran the most sexy strip club in all of B'more.

Avon was eventually locked up for conspiracy or some shit because that is all that they could put on his ass. The man was far too smooth to get locked up for murder. While he was in prison he had a bunch of other jokers killed because he was so bad ass he could make sweet ass plays like that from the slammer. Next up, Marlo Stanfield.

Marlo had over twenty punk asses shot up and put in some vacant buildings to show other dealers in B'more how he rolled. In the most recent season he totally went ape shit on his crew when he found out that his name was sullied by Omar (a homosexual stuck up boy) in the streets. We will find out tonight how many more "all talk no action" bitches get done for being snitches.

So let's break this thing down Dr. Jack Style

More bad ass crew?

Avon had Weebay, Stringer Bell, D'Angelo Barksdale, and Brodie.

Marlo runs with Chris Partlow, Snoop and Cheddar.

The winner is Marlo. Snoop and Chris kill the most jokers in all of B'more. Be they from the East side, West side or New York City, no one is safe on Marlo's watch.

The most cash flow

Avon relationship with his number two, Stringer Bell, was always in a state of constant flux because he felt restricted by Stringer's cash spending limitations placed upon him. Avon always wanted to go out and shoot corner boys, get drunk and spend cash like woah.

Marlo is kind of a bitch ass who only takes an administrative position when it comes to doing the deeds. He hands out cash to little kids in season four just so those kids know who is in charge with Avon in prison. Marlo also had Prop Joe launder money for him because he was such a bitch that he wouldn't just go out with the cash that he had. Ultimately, when push comes to shove Avon had Stinger killed because Avon wanted to flaunt cash and Stringer wasn't having it. Avon takes this round.

Who scores the most babes?

Marlo sort of strikes me as a prude, I don't really remember him even talking to any chick besides Snoop during the entire show. For all of the name calling on Omar I might have to wonder if it is time for someone to look into the mirror.

As mentioned earlier, Avon owned a strip club, 'nuff said.

In our battle of the ballers Avon Barksdale defeats Marlo Stanfield as the most ballin' ass n word on The Wire. My prediction for tonight's finale, given this head to head breakdown, is that Avon has Marlo killed. Sure Avon is in prison but he has shown that he can make a bitch drop from there already. Also, I swear to God if Bubbles dies I am going to get reaaaaaaaaal pissed.

I Can't Get Enough Of This Guy

2008-03-08T21:38:00.003-05:00

I really do wish that I never found out that Ted Dibiase, The Million Dollar Man, was a fraud. It ruined just about my entire month of February. I have new hopes for March though. I am going to kind of pretend that it never happened and go back to posting awesome video clips from The Million Dollar Man. The Godfather of spending, I love him.

Song Profile The Second.

2008-03-08T20:25:00.003-05:00

Song time again. Today we will be profiling "Make It Rain" by Fat Joe f/ a bunch of other rappers. I have a feeling that this song may rate better than "If I Had A Million Dollars"

Yeah im in this business of terror Got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella
I make it rain,(I make it rain)
I'm in this business of terror got a handful of stacks Better grab an umbrella
I make it rain, (I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain,(I make It rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain,(I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain(I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes

Yes, Yes, Yes. That is awesome. Suggesting that all those penny pincher's out there should grab umbrellas so as to shield themselves from the cash that will be falling all around them. Awesome, totally awesome.

Cr Cr Crack Crack Crack Crack Crack
U hear that Echo, man I seen the best go, cuz he ain't had that metal
Im a Hustla’s Hustla, A Pusher’s Pusher
U a busta a customer, I get u sum cooka
Yea Crack is a chemist, I pack a 11, I mack in a 7, I’ll clap at ur reverend
I see u in NY, I’ll send u an invite, U gon need u a pass that’s the code that we live by.

Well, I am not quite sure what he was saying there most of the time. It rhymes though, that is pretty cool. On the whole, I am a not that impressed with Fat Joe's abilities to make it rain, so far that is.

[Chorus]
OWWWW Clap Clap Clap Gotta make that ass Clap Gotta make that ass Clap
Clap Clap Clap Clap Gotta Make that ass Clap Gotta make that ass Clap
Now why’s everybody so mad at the south for
Change ur style up.. switch 2 southpaw
Jada I was listenin(listenin), so I made him an anthem 2 make some dividends
Lil mama try 2 hit me with the Shoulder Lean ,This Cootco Crack and I control the team
Couple Bricks Stacked up on that triple beam, my dirty bro sippin that promethazeen
That Gonja Green that Cali Weed, a nigga lose his life try roll on me
Now yup yup we get it, no advanced about it
And the rain keep fallin' even when it's droughted

Doing chicks? Check. Doing drugs? Check. Spending Money? Check. That is just an excellent verse. That was an excellent come back Fat Joe.

Owwwww mami’s body is bangin, she got it man she does it all
She gets it poppin with no hands I’ll make it pour
I’ll make it rain on em I’m layin' game 2 em
I’m gassin misses to tattoo my name on em
Gotta get that baby love, gotta get my paper up
Gotta suspect me,xactly test this crack and wanna ring on us
And U Kno what it is, yo its them powder kids
And we kno how 2 bizz, so we don’t give a shit.

Now I know being a baller is difficult, trust me, I know better than ANYONE. Still though, the fact that Fat Joe blatantly mis spells words like "know" by writing "kno" well, I think it is just lazy. I know that one might argue that I am so rich that I don't need to know how to spell. Or maybe you could say that I am so busy doing chicks that it doesn't matter. I just think that it does. A small complaint really. Maybe it is just that my English teacher was more effective in making me pay attention in class.

[Chorus]

Yeah im in this business of terror Got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella
I make it rain,(I make it rain)
I'm in this business of terror got a handful of stacks Better grab an umbrella
I make it rain, (I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain,(I make It rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain,(I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes I make it rain(I make it rain)
I make it rain on them hoes

Yeah, this song is pretty cool. It would have been cool that if at some point he would have mentioned the website, I don't know, it would have been cool, I mean, I review your song, you drop the website on a remix, well, yeah, if you could do that it would be awesome, thanks.

Regarding Today's Buffalo News

2008-03-06T14:55:00.005-05:00

Today while taking a breather from the grueling world of corporate ambition I took a few moments to enjoy a nice cup of coffee and read the newspaper. After thumbing through a few pages I came across a headline that read "Five People With Buffalo Ties Among The World's Richest".

My first thought was, "I don't remember being asked for an interview for this story! Surely with my wealth I am included in such a list of the world's elite!" I continued reading and there is no mention of my name anywhere!

"Bullocks!" I shouted. Then I thought perhaps I was intoxicated and made a profanity laced tirade about how the barenaked ladies have no idea how to spend money like me and how it is nice to finally get some recognition for being such a baller.

I then thought that maybe their was a space restriction on the actual print edition so I wandered over to the Buffalo News' website to see if they talked about their hometown hero who spends cash like no other. Alas, I got distracted by pictures of scantily clad women and never checked

But then I figured it out without even going to the website. The world's richest man, Warren Buffett, owns the Buffalo News. There is no way that he would allow me to over shadow him in his own paper. Well played Mr. Buffett, you are a smart business man. But don't think that you have heard the last from yet. I will be writing a letter to your editor, which I am sure won't be published.

Maybe I should not have made that anti-Geico post after all...

Did You Know?

2008-03-04T16:27:00.002-05:00

Did you know that March is "National Talk To Your Teen About Sex" Month? Well, thankfully we here at MakingItRain are concerned with addressing serious issues each and every day. Be it talking about how to spend cash, get wasted or, in today's installment how to have sex with an eighteen or nineteen year old!

See, the thing about teen sex is that you always have to make sure that you check their id's. I remember this one time when I was out at a bar, now mind you, bars should be places of business that only allow people aged 21 years or older inside, right? Well apparently this bar owner disagreed with me. Not only that, how was I supposed to know that women under the age of 21 think that spending money frivolously totally sexy?

So before you know it we are back at my mansion and I am lighting cigarettes with fifty dollar bills and showing her this neat trick where money can literally burn a hole in my pocket.

Well, long story short, I am very happy that I am super rich so I can afford excellent lawyer's who can place "fake" fake id's into these girl's bedrooms so that when the police search her parent's house for evidence proving my innocence they find these fraudulent documents proving that I was duped into thinking she was 21. Man, being rich is awesome.

Song Profile. First Edition.

2008-03-03T18:57:00.006-05:00

Growing up in the Western New York area people like myself had access to Canadian radio at our fingertips. This was both a positive experience and an extremely negative one as well. The positives including such hip hop gems as the Swollen Members, Rascalz and K-os on the flip side we have been subjected to such horrid acts as Snow and the much hated Barenaked Ladies. Today at MakingItRain we are going to be profiling the song, "If I Had A Million Dollars" to find out if they are, in our opinion, satisfactorily flaunting their cash. If we deem their expenditures awesome, who knows we may even change our opinion of these schlubs.

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

Alright, at this point rather than buying a mansion they are buying houses. Lame. Minus one. Secondly they are suggesting buying someone a K-Car? Have you ever seen one of those things? They are retarded looking. Instead of buying a K-Car they should be buying Lamborghini's or some cool shit like that.

If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had million dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame 'em
Uh, yeah

Well, maybe this is just us, but doesn't their tree fort sound like a gay hangout to you? Pre-wrapped sausages, what is that? I will tell you what it is, not decent. You know what we would buy rather than a tree house with a fridge in it, well a ton of shit, but the first thing that comes to mind is a women's beach volleyball team. Minus two for the barenaked ladies.

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

I don't know who John Merrick is and I am not going to waste the time to google him because, honestly, I do not give a fuck. You guys are freaks digging up and dead dude and purchasing his remains. I mean, i enjoy that you are getting more creative than a reliable automobile by showing your spending power in purchasing such idiotic things like emu's, llama's and "crazy" elephant bones but it could still be better spent on such things as alcohol and recreational drugs. Take another point off the board for this stupid fucking band.

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

Well if you aren't tired of reading yet I am going to keep going. I didn't realize how long this was going to take when I got started. Now I am stuck pointing out how much cooler we here at MakingItRain are than the dofus' in the Barenaked Ladies. I apologize if it is getting excessive but this needs to be done. No person in their right mind would buy ketchup with a million dollars. Kraft dinners either. I have about had it with these fucking guys. Here is a picture of some babes who are hot.

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)
If I had a million dollars
I’d buy your love
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich

THANK.GOD.THE.SONG.IS.OVER. You don't buy love with money you dip shit. You buy sex. And booze. And more sex. Not love. Never love. And what the fuck is with this not a real green dress shit? Pardon my excessive run of of profanity here but this terrible song has driven me to this. If we ever run this segment here again (which I very much doubt) I promise it will be a bad ass rap song that is awesome and not a shitty song from a shitty Canadian band who thinks a million dollars is a lot of money. What a bunch of nitwits. Final Verdict, Barenakes Ladies do NOT know how to make it rain. Now with a real bare naked lady.

You Know The Saying...

2008-03-01T20:01:00.005-05:00

When you were growing up I am sure that you heard this saying before, "March, comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb". Well I am here to tell you today, March 1st 2008, my goal is to do just that.

I think I will start my night off with a couple of buddies and a little pre-gaming for the night. You may have heard of the drinking game "Power Hour" where you take a shot of beer every sixty seconds for an hour. Well, he have a game sort of like that too. Rather than using a $3.99 six pack of stroh's like most penny pinchers we use a big ass bottle of maker's mark.

After getting suitably "buzzed" my friends and I will play some video games. In fact my friend Damien recently spend much of his hard earned cash on some popular electronics that will play with tonight and then probably smash with sledgehammers to amuse ourselves.

After smashing shit I think we will go out for a while and I will fulfill the age old adage of March. Yep, you bet your ass I will be coming like a lion!

there's only two things certain in this life...

2008-02-29T21:48:00.004-05:00

It happens every year and is often a time that most people dread, April 15th.

However, it is a time that I look forward to at the dawn of every new year. Most people often make New Year's resolutions about losing weight or quiting smoking but these things mean nothing to me. I have one resolution every year and that is to make more money than the last. And somehow it always comes true...Imagine that!

While most people are scrambling to get their 1040's detailing their measly earnings for the year out on that day, I am always out at a bar counting my stacks. It is a holiday of sorts for me. I would compare it to waking up on Christmas morning and running down the stairs to see what awesome gifts Santa brought you. Except this time it is the IRS and they are generally giving me quite an ample return. I have hung my W2 above my headboard so I can look at it everyday when I wake up and go to sleep. While it is quite pleasant to look at it is also a reminder that come next year there better be an even bigger one in my newly furnished bedroom.

Merry Weekend.

2008-02-29T15:28:00.002-05:00

So I have been very busy slaving away to the man today. Sometimes it is just hard y'know. To be honest with you I have been here for eight hours already today and I will have to be here for at least an hour more and the time it took me to type this sentence and the last is the longest I have gotten to sit down all day. But hey, to party hard you have to work hard. I don't mind running around all day slaving away to the man as long as it urns me some cheddar.

Since there are still about three hundred things that need to happen before I leave work at 5pm, today's post will be a tad bit abbreviated. Here is a video of people who wish they knew what "rain making" was really all about.

What a bunch of jokers.

Hating It Rain.

2008-02-28T15:25:00.003-05:00

There is one man, who in our humble opinion, who hates the act of making it rain more than any other man in history. This man in fact, based nearly his entire political career on the idea of rain making being a bad thing. We have been careful here at making rain on how to approach such a figure.

One one hand, the Theodore Roosevelt is responsible for founding the Bull Moose political party which resulted in many laughs while we were juniors in high school. On the other hand, the man hated big business more than Marshall Mathers hates Kim. You might be thinking "this man broke down monopolies as a hobby, how on earth could we give him the kid gloves treatment?" Well lest we forget that he is also the person who coined the term "Rough Rider".

Lets go through some more pros and cons with our twenty sixth president, shall we? First off,shortly after gaining the presidency, Roosevelt drafted a 20,000-word address to the Congress in December 1901, where he asked Congress to curb the power of trusts "within reasonable limits." They did not act but Roosevelt did, issuing 44 lawsuits against major corporations; this is where he was gained the nickname the "trust-buster."

On the flip side, Roosevelt's most excellent policy in not letting Europeans into the Americas was labeled as the "Big Stick Policy". Sounds a little bit like he is over compensating for something, wouldn't you agree?

After a lot of back on forth on our part here at making it rain there was one fact that we read on his wikipedia page that told us all that we need to know about the man known as Bull Moose. In 1902, while on a hunting trip in Mississippi, Roosevelt passed up the opportunity to shoot and kill a bear. For that the children's toy will be forever known as the "Teddy Bear" but to us, for these actions, he will forever be known as a pussy.

Fuck you, Teddy Roosevelt.

A Hard Rain Is Gonna Fall.

2008-02-27T16:13:00.004-05:00

The other day I was quietly listening to the latest Police album while drinking a fine Bordeaux from 1948 when I received a phone call. "Excuse me sir, this is your bank calling, We believe that your credit card was stolen!" Needless to say I was a little bit worried. Not worried that some petty criminal would drain my checking account but I was worried that this peasant would dirty my good name around town by purchasing items other then those that are highly priced.

So I asked the kind young lady on the other end of the phone,

"What were the purchases that were made?"

"Well, sir, there was a $300 bill at one bar, followed by $85 at a nearby pizza place and then three cartons of cigarettes and 6 cases of beer at a local corner store." "Oh",she added, "and a bag of combo's too."

I just started laughing uncontrollably. The woman became concerned. I think was worried that I was becoming hysterical. Maybe imaging me for a poorer man that I am, I assured her that this was not a big deal for me. I even went to far as to tell her that it i just a normal Monday night for me. No big deal.

And surprise, surprise, she then asked me if she could call me when she wasn't working and maybe go out sometime. I obliged.

An Important Decision

2008-02-26T16:36:00.005-05:00

I have been thinking about this for a while. A long while. Many a night I have stayed up thinking to myself about how I really don't want to pick up after myself. Many an afternoon in between counting my money and burning my money I have day
dreamed about how much I would love just to chuck shit on the ground and have someone else clean up. Almost every evening I think about how I want someone else to do my laundry for me, well, I actually already make other people do my laundry but the previous two items still hold true.

Considering that I already have people do my laundry I figured it was only a matter of time that I made this switch. I am going to miss the excellent service from the young girls over at "You Are Rich So We Will Wash Your Clothes" laundromat, but it is time to leave. Good bye ladies, hello maid.

Naturally, it was only a matter of time before I got a maid. I mean, I have two apartments. More importantly, considering how many hours a week I spend devoting my time and energies to making a world wide business conglomerate and getting drunk it is amazing that I ever remember to buy toothpaste. (don't worry ladies, I remember...)

So here is how I plan on changing my life now that I am going to hire a maid.

1- I can spend more time spending money instead of cleaning.
2- I can spend more time getting drunk instead of cleaning.
3- I can spend more time having sex instead of cleaning.
4- I will have more sex because my house will be clean and I will be less embarrassed to bring hot babes home.
5- I will get more drunk because, often times, I drink less because I hate picking up empty bottles so much.
6- I will have sex with more maids that I used to.

oh, baby.

baller laboraties, experiment 2

2008-02-26T00:33:00.003-05:00

We are back with our next installment, this time challenging derogatory statements made against the wasting of money. I'm sure you can all remember back to time when you really wanted to squander your hard earned allowance money on some awesome toy that a commercial during the saturday morning cartoons convinced you to buy.

And guess what your Mom said, "That's like flushing money down the toilet!" Well here at baller laboratories, we have decided to test what it feels like to actually flush money down the toilet.

What better thing to do than literally flush your hard earned money down the crapper without even blowing it on shit. WARNING: This activity is for those with excessive amounts of cash. Some of our findings from leaving money in the toilet is that your mother will be really disappointed in you or you may find your broke ass roommate fishing one's out with a coat hanger. But perhaps the best feeling about leaving money in the shitter is when some fly bitty is at your place and has to take a dump.
Of course she will see the money and be dumbfounded by it but she will be to embarrassed to admit that she going to take a dump and will never bring it up.
This will then create a mystique about you because who else does she know who stores their cash in the water closet.

In the end, we have concluded that actually "flushing money down the toilet" is, in fact, totally awesome. So next time someone is going to harsh your mellow over just enjoying things that they deem as wasteful...just remember that you can't refute scientific fact.

My Favourite Fraud

2008-02-24T19:24:00.001-05:00

Knowing that the Million Dollar Man was nothing more than a fraud makes watching this video especially bittersweet.

Baller Actitivies.

2008-02-24T11:04:00.005-05:00

Last night myself and a couple of my fellow money maulers were sitting around sipping on some yak when we thought to ourselves, "dudes, why don't we hit up the town and show this sad community what it means to burn through some cash". Now as a veteran of such activities I have found there are many ways to show off your cash. You can do something as simple as just burning it in front of homeless people or something as elaborate and blowing your nose with it and then setting it on fire in front of a homeless man.

None of those ideas really seemed to fun last night so my friends and I decided to play an old favourite game of ours. It requires such skills as spending money, getting drunk and the ability to fiercely compete. It is known quite simply as "bar golf".

The game is very simple. Here are the basic rules. You draw up a course of nine bars. Each bar has a par, "or average drinks required" of two. If you drink three drinks you get a birdie, four is an eagle, etc. If you have only one drink you get a bogey. If you understand the rules of golf this should come quite easily to you. You and your peers decide how long to spend at each bar while you are there. If the bar is full of duds you may only stay for a "happy meal", also known as a shot and a beer, but if there are a ton of shorties on the course it may prove advantageous to stay for a while.

Needless to say, a lot of awesome things can happen while playing this game. Strategy comes into play around the fourth hole. At this point you may want to start ripping shots like crazy in an attempt to get ahead. This plan of action is dangerous but since par for each bar is only two drinks you will not be penalized too badly if you pass out. Who am I kidding, pass out? Ha. What I meant to say was find a shorty who snuck into the bathroom behind you because she couldn't stand looking at you without ripping her clothes off and having sex with you for one second longer.

man, chicks are nuts.

F-R--I-D-A-Y Night!

2008-02-22T15:12:00.002-05:00

I can smell happy hour from here. MMMMmmmm that shit smells so hoppy and sweet. I will have to keep my self in check for the next little while though. I still have an hour and a half of time that I owe to the man. Mind you, during this time I will be looking the recently released photo's of Ms. Lohan in New York magazine and thinking about how I thought that her boobies used to look bigger.

Anyway, when this next hour and a half have passed I have been invited to a happy hour at a local tapas bar. My first question when asked to join this group was, "How many chicks are going to be there?" After the number stated piqued my interest I then asked "are any of them sluts?" Once again after finding and answer that pleased me I asked, arguably, the most important question of all, "What the fuck is tapas?"

It turns out, as defined by Wikipedia, "tapas is the name for a wide variety of appetizers in Spanish cuisine. They may be cold, such as mixed olives and cheese, or warm, such as puntillitas, Andalusian battered, fried baby squid." Ummm.... okay well I figured what the fuck. The idea seems to be that it is small portions of food and full sized prices. What a novel way to waste cash!

After doing some more research on this local Western New York tapas bar I found out that they serve "Buffalo specific" tapas dishes. I cannot wait to see what this place has to offer. All I can think of right now is mini cheeseburgers and shot glasses of genny lights.

Lets just hope that after these babes are finished dining on such small meals that they are ready for a huge piece of meat for the night cap!

Your Move, Taylor.

2008-02-21T18:36:00.010-05:00

Last night started off a lot like any other night. After grinding away for nine long hours at the office I headed to the local convenient store. I prefer buying my alcohol from convenient store's rather than liquor stores or beer marts because they are much more expensive there. I would like to think that since I spend more than needed that it makes the beer taste better.

To have my ordinary night continue I was to meet a beautiful young woman out for dinner. This happens just about every single night. It isn't really a big deal.

After dining on the finest cheeseburgers in the greater Buffalo area my escort and I found ourselves at a birthday party at a local tattoo parlour. There was alcohol flowing, Wu Tang blaring from the speakers of iBook's and general fun being had by all.

So as the evening went on some of the tattoo artist had began giving away their art for free to those who were willing to have their bodies permanently marked. At this point I noticed my female escort for the evening eying up some of the dudes who were into getting inked. At this point I know that needed to be done. I needed to get inked.

I am thinking to myself real hard at this point. As I am about to stain my body with ink forever and ever what could I put on me that could this shorty all the sides of a humble baller. The money side, the cooter loving side, the power hungry side, the drunk side, no, no. None of those will do. I would show off my sensitive side. That will show this fair lass what a "sensitive" man I am.

So yeah, last night I got bombed and got my mom's name tattooed across my heart.

No Limit Soldiers?

2008-02-19T20:22:00.004-05:00

At MakingItRain we are always trying new things. Be it new ways to spend our money, new sexual positions or new ways to show you the baller lifestyle. Today we are proud to share with you a baller anthem. This is different than the rap songs like "Party Up" by DMX or "C.R.E.A.M" by personal favourites of ours the Wu Tang Clan, this song is a parody of a classic song. So here we go, channeling our inner Master P, we hope that you like it.

♫ To the tune of "See My Vest" by C. Montgomery Burns

♫

Some men hunt for sport
Others hunt for food
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is a shorty that fucks real good

Peep her chest, peep her chest
Covered in my milky mess
Feel me Heather, there's no better
Than this authentic Irish settler

I see your cat, I'm feeling that
On your evening wear I'm about to splat
Those white slippers are your dinner
You're quite sexy, my slutty sinner

Grizzly bear underwear
Huge bushes, I've seen my share
Bonjour poodle, suck my noodle
I'm real impressed

Try my red throbbing root
I'll bust one nut or two
Peep her chest, peep her chest
Peep her chest.

See my boner, it's no loner
While with shorties it's no loafer
'Cos by missile sized torpedo
Is the best

So dudes let's tame these hogs
Get two to lick your log
And peep their chest, peep their chest
Oh, please let me peep your chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Presidents Day!!!!!

2008-02-18T15:59:00.005-05:00

Today is the holiday known to American's across the globe as Presidents Day. It has been celebrated since 1971. Before that time American's had two days in February off, one to celebrate the birthday of Abraham Lincoln and the other to celebrate the birth of George Washington.

So what happend to our two days off in February? Well, CEO's of American companies needed employees in this country to become more productive which is why these two holidays were combined into one. That is some fucked up shit. Sadly, there isn't much we can do anymore. If only I was around in 1971 I would have held some sort of protest or some shit. Owen Wilson agrees with me and best exemplifies his frustration in the film "You Me & Dupree"

What makes this holiday even worse is that the only people who seem to celebrate it are bankers. I mean what the fuck, I am the one slaving away to the man Monday thru Friday so as to fill this bank account, why don't I get today off? Though I do suppose that they deserve some respect from ballers like myself, I mean, it has got to get tough counting all of the money that I deposit on a daily basis.

So here's to you Miss banker shorty. You are super hot and turn me on sometimes. You are even nice enough to be polite when I miscount my money in the morning because I am still drunk from the night before. It also makes me feel good when you ask me how my night was, even if I think it might be in a condescending tone because I reek of alcohol. In fact, you are so fly that if i ever see you out I will take you home and fuck you. Enjoy your bank holiday.

Book Club.

2008-02-17T22:10:00.004-05:00

Sunday evenings are a nice night for relaxing. After 36 hours of constant drinking, sexing and spending one must sit down and relax. This could be because you have earned taking a couple of hours for yourself. Another reason could be because you go so wasted on Saturday night that you couldn't muster up the energy to get out of bed since you are so hungover that your mouth is more dry than a 90 year old chicks cooter.

So when in a state of uselessness you have to think about how to pass the time. Mind you, this does not happen often but once in a while you might prefer not getting bombed. The only time when this is permitted is if you are ready to come back twice as hard and get twice as fucked up the following night. So I guess that I will have an exciting Tuesday post for you, yet I digress. So when the night is young and booze isnt piquing your interest it may not be a bad idea to turn to a book.

So for evening's like these we here at MakingItRain have decided to start a book club. We are going to highlight books that have helped us become they people that we are today. Books about babes, cash and other awesome shit. Today, we profile The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase's book, "Every Man Has His Price: The True Story Of Wrestling's Million Dollar Man"

So I start reading this book and guess what, not only is the real Ted Dibiase not a millionaire but wrestling is fake as well!! I feel cheated, scammed and above all else I am devastated that my hero growing up turned out to be nothing more than a fraud.

Needless to say this book gets zero stars by my ranking system. Thankfully though, with all of the frauds out there, that there are still real hero's who know how to make it rain.

Working on the Weekend.

2008-02-15T16:37:00.004-05:00

It is Friday, slightly after four thirty pm eastern time. It is almost time to go home. I for one can not wait. There is nothing quite like that first sip of delicious beer or your first drag from a huge ass cigar on a Friday evening to set the tone for you weekend.

I was going to do a lengthy post about how Saturdays are inherently better than Tuesdays and how Sunday is the finest of all of the days in the entire week. Rather than the ode to the weekend that I had planned I have decided instead to post pictures of chicks that I plan on having sex with this weekend.

Don't know her name now and I certainly don't plan on learning it after I do her either!

Samaire Armstrong, for quite some time I have known that I wanted to do you. It all started when I saw your beautiful smile on the Freaks and Geeks. I followed you to The O.C. and from there I have plastered your photos all over my bedroom. It will be kind of weird when you come to my house, I bend you over, and you see all of these pictures of you on the wall. Just go along with it, it is much easier this way. Thanks.

So those two are my plans for Friday night and Saturday night. Sunday afternoon am going to need a little release after winning hundreds of thousands of dollars at OTB. It will have to be a special kind of woman, see, the thing is on Sundays after I win all of this money I have this condition where my wiener swells up to unimaginable sizes. I mean, it gets huuuuuuuuuuge. The fact of the matter is that money just gets me super hard. So this weekend I think I might just have to go to the hospital to see if this young lady can reduce the swelling.

decent.

Saint Valentine's Day.

2008-02-14T15:09:00.006-05:00

Tonight is a big night in the life of a certified ladies man. It's true, tonight is the one night a year when every woman in the world who is not committed to a man (and let's be honest, unless you are with a making it rain writer you can't be "truly" committed" ) is ready to give it up.

On a night like tonight one must exhibit caution. Since every single woman in the world is feeling lonely, slutty, and lost you will have to wade through many women each of whom is trying to bring you home, made whoopie with you and then expect you to still be there in the morning. See, this is the inherent flaw with valentines day, sure you can insert your pinus into almost any woman's vagina on a night like tonight, sure, but you must tread cautiously because if you aren't careful you may wind up in her car on your way to her mothers house on a Saturday afternoon.

With the advice that we are about to give you, it is possible, though not likely, to get out of your own bed on February 15th by yourself. Well, I mean, by yourself in the sense that you had sex with eight different women last night but you made all of them leave by the morning. duh.

Rule number 1: Be humble. On valentine's day the ladies don't want to see you pull out hundred dollar bills and buy them shots of whiskey with it. Sure on most night this is fine. It shows them that you are aggressive and that you are an animal in the sack. They love that shit, most of the time. Tonight though, tell them jokes that your parents think would be funny. Be cute, if there is a man selling flowers outside the bar, buy one for her. She will think that you are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo romantic.

Rule number 2: So now you have them back at your place. I have noticed that after you have sex with a girl that more often than not they have to go to the bathroom. This is where you must act quickly. While she is in the bathroom cleaning your "snot" off from her boobies you are to rifle through her purse. Now obviously, you don't need her credit cards or money, you are rich. You just want to create the illusion that you are robbing her. This way she will become so enraged that she will leave immediately.

Rinse, lather, repeat my man. Rinse, lather, repeat. Now that is what I call a St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

Hating it rain.

2008-02-13T16:15:00.002-05:00

You know him. Quite frankly, this guy is one of the most reprehensible beings in the history of the earth. They come out when the weather turns cold and don't leave until the trees begin budding in the spring time. In what is arguable the hardest time to live in the Northeast these numbskulls make day to day life even more trying.

Yes, it is that stupid guy who wears shorts during the winter. Is there a more loathsome character in the world? I suggest that there is not. They are generally are over weight teenagers but the truth is they come in all shapes and sizes.

You may wonder, "How does this relate to the act of hating it rain?". Well, let me ask you this question in return, have you ever meet someone who wore shorts during the winter who turned out to be a successful business man? Ever meet anyone who wears daisy dukes while there is a negative 4 windchill pick up a shorty in a bar? Have you even seem someone wearing shorts in the middle of a blizzard while lighting a cigarette with a hundred dollar bill?
Yeah, me neither.

You can bet that the guy pictured above is wearing pants.

Another "Perfect" day at the races.

2008-02-11T23:30:00.000-05:00

It all started a month ago. For some time fellow baller Dan Murphy and myself had been discussing it. Each and every Sunday afternoon we would dine on a luxurious lunch at Nick's Place featuring scrumptious skillets and grilled cheese's with the most grandiose bacon in all of upstate New York. This Sunday was different though, fore on this Sunday we decided it was time to go through with the plan.

So after our opulent omelette's and savory sandwiches Dollar Dan and I decided that we hit up the establishment known as "Off Track Betting" or as my friends and I call it, "OTB". Thankfully Dollar Dan is also far from frugal with his dough so he readily agreed to the suggestion. We hopped into Dan's mid size luxury car and we were there in no time.

Upon our arrival at the "OTB" we noticed that we were, by like 30 years, the youngest people in there. Really, it was quite a sad state of homeless and the near homeless squandering their money with the illusion that they have a better chance of hitting a long shot to place than buying a one dollar scratch off at the local bodega. All across the ground were ripped up race tickets sitting right next to their broken dreams.

The difference between Dollar Dan , myself and the rest of these pathetic people was that we were not gambling with little Suzie's lunch money or our wife's overtime paycheck. No, we were spending money that didn't mean shit to us. Ha! When you wouldn't even notice a four digit drop in your checking account things like horse racing just call out your name.

Needless to say with our first tickets we won. Then we played again, and won. Believe it or not this act continued to repeat itself. Eventually we had to go home but we vowed to come back the following week. Now if you don't know what happened the next week then you haven't been reading this website for a very long time.

And guess what, it hasn't stopped yet. Every Sunday we go, every Sunday we win. All of the old dudes around us are starting to get pissed. I think what irratates them the most is that after winning a couple of hundred dollars, rather than sitting there all night and playing the horses, we go out and get fucked up.

Only one problem has come with the weeks and weeks of winning hundreds of dollars and getting all kinds of fucked up on free money.

Sometimes you have money left over and decide to pay homage to the very place that is the source of all of this extra cheddar because you are so fucked up....

Baller laboraties

2008-02-11T22:53:00.000-05:00

Here at Baller Laboratories we are committed to debunking many of the myths surrounding the wasting of money. This often requires rigorous field testing ( i.e. wasting money on hot ladies at the bar (lab) in order to see what's behind that lab coat). In case you were wondering ladies, that is a test tube in my pocket...a fuckin' huge one!

Currently our latest debate has been over the "Intelligent Design Theory" of spending money Vs. "The Big Bang" Theory. I bet you can guess which one we are the proponents of. Let's see here, the first posits that a careful planning or spending of money over a specific timeframe is the way in which humanity must live. BORING! Let me tell you about a much more exciting and real way in which "life" is created. It involves a big explosion, usually from our pocket books or dongs, and is known as the Big Bang. Go ahead and think about the last time you were in a bar...where was the giver of lively times in that establishment? I can tell you one thing it not the dude counting his pennies into stacks to spend over the course of the next seven days.
If there is one thing that science has definetely proven that is that The Dollars Maximus is only the more evolved species than that of Spendas Littlus. We are here to inheret the earth and populate it with superior beings.

Making it Rain.... Bullets!!!!

2008-02-09T13:30:00.000-05:00

Alright, this might be stretching it a little bit but i cannot help but comment on the story of the gentelman named Kurt Havelock. A mild mannered restaurateur by day turned into a very articulate, would be, mass murderer by night.

For some reason the Arizona native surrendered to police on Sunday and admitted to plotting a massacre at the Super Bowl as revenge against the Tempe City Council, which had denied him a liquor license when they learned that he had intended to call the bar "Drunkenstein's." He bought an AR-15 and wrote up an 8-page manifesto and actually made it to the staging area right outside of the stadium.

He turned himself in for not shooting people? that seems pretty stupid, but anyway, "Drunkenstein's" is a totally awesome name for a bar. If nothing else, It would, without a doubt, be the most popular bar in all of the Tempe area on Halloween. It would also be very popular the weekend before Halloween in the event that Halloween feel on a Wednesday or something. Isn't that the worst?

After turning himself into the police it appears that he gave police the aforementioned 8 page manifesto about what he almost did. I have to tell you seemed to be a little wordy for someone wanting to name a bar "Drunkenstein's". Here is an excerpt from the said letter,
I cannot outvote, outspend, outtax, or outincarcerate my enemies. But for a brief moment I can outgun them."
Later he wrote "I will not be bullied by the financial institutions and their puppet politicians,"
"I will test the theory that bullets speak louder than words. Perhaps the blood of the inculpable will cause a paradigm shift. ... Someone has to start the revolution but no one wants to be first."

He finished with "How many dollars will you lose? And all because you took my right to own a business from me," the manifesto said.

All the man wanted to do was open up a business and serve the public while making a little bit of scratch for himself. Just trying to live the American dream. Thankfully for haters in the general Tempe area he thought better of shooting all of the innocents at the super bowl but hopefully this will teach the government to try to fuck with the guy who wants to open the bar called "Slosho De Mayo"

A strange way to pay the electric bill.

2008-02-07T18:54:00.000-05:00

So it was brought to my attention to me by one of my fellow writers here at making it rain that I am doing something especially foolish with money. When he says foolish, naturally, he means totally awesome. Though you internet folk out there might think of it as a flagrant display of wasting cash. I tend to think of it more as the former. You may think of it as the later. Before you make up your mind though, I think that you should hear me out.

So here is the story. As mentioned in earlier posts I do not much care for paying bills. I much prefer spending my money on top shelf alcohol, alligator pizza and the finest escorts in all of Buffalo. With that said, upon moving into my luxurious home in the swankiest part of town I had more important things on my mind that putting the electric into my name, y'know what I mean?

So fast forward eighteen months. I get a letter addressed to "occupant" asking my to pay my electric bill. To paraphrase my friend, the late great, Marcel Marceau "fuck that!".

So at this point I thought to myself, "Marcel is right, Fuck that! I'm Moving out!" So I began gathering my belongings when I thought to myself about how much I don't like moving. I mean I work all day, why should I have to come home and move shit to a new apartment? That does not sound like fun at all. So I decided just to leave a bunch of shit there.

So then I thought, shit man, I bet that I would sound really cool to chicks if I told them that I had two places. It was at that time that I decided to pay for two apartments. One for my more quiet reserved life. Which, lets be honest, doesn't get used very much. Then the other, much more empty, apartment with nothing but empty cans and used condoms strewn about the floor.

So, ladies, if you want to come back to one of my places tonight, well, you can just let me know.

helping the ladies...

2008-02-05T17:39:00.001-05:00

Dear babes,
I know that many of you lovely ladies scour the missed connections section of the pouplar website craig's list when you are looking for love. Well, today we are going to help you out so that you don't have to look for nerds online. After this advice you will be able to walk into the finest strip club and pick up and baller of your choosing.

First thing is first. If you are fat, loose some weight. No cheddar shredder wants a cash cow hanging on his arm. Don't get me wrong, we are not encouraging anorexia, and we definitely do not approve of bulimia, but just drink a diet coke and eat a salad. We are even cool with buying you cocaine, just drop those lbs.

Next, we love huge boobs. I do not believe that needs much more explaining.

Another thing that will help you is if you are into weird sexual deviances. Mind you, I am not talking about super weird shit like taking pisses on one another but I don't know, say that you have like 450 friends and they, well, i dont know....

yeah... that could keep a money masher busy for a couple of hours.

I really don't know what to make of this...

2008-02-04T18:50:00.000-05:00

The company Geico brings up mixed feelings for me. On one hand, they have come into the greater Western New York area and created high paying jobs so that I have acquaintances with whom I can callously spend cash. On the other hand their commercials interrupt my wildly sexual dreams with ones of fear. I do not care for this.

I mean sure, I get the joke. So easy a caveman could do it, but shit man, you have been doing the same ad for the past four years. The American public, while mostly consisting of dipshits, houses many well read, educated young men such as myself and myself. The worst part is babes like these commercials! Can you believe that? I find it nearly as offensive as that one shorty Jerry Seinfeld used to date who loved those docker's commercials. What an uneducated wench!

I was always able to deal with these commercials though. I mean, when watching network television, which is created for the "masses", there are certain trade off's one must make. Normally, I refrain from such activities but I like to keep and eye on some of the sporting event's that I wager enormous amounts of money on. Sadly, while doing so I have to suffer through some of these advertisement's which make me dumber by the second.

Now though, now geico has taken it too far. While attempting to increase my knowledge database by cruising wikipedia's random article feature I came across something most disconcerting. The "Geico caveman" page. This page took me to this link,

http://www.cavemanscrib.com

This is some really disturbing shit. If I even get tricked into watching something like that again I am quitting the internet. That is that. Fuck Geico, fuck them right in their "ironic" asses.

and yes, if you were wondering the main purpose of this post was so that I didn't have to look at that guy's asshole anymore when the page first loads.

Hating it rain.

2008-01-17T14:31:00.000-05:00

Hating it rain is one of our more popular features here at making it rain. Today we are profiling turn of the century muckaraker Jacob Riis. Jacob Riis is, as far as I am concerned, an asshole.

Now I realize that is a very strong statement to make, I do. It may, in one's opinion, in fact be sacrilege to those who have recently immigrated to America who have him to thank for the fact that they don't live in absolute squander. His books and photo essay's including "how the other half lives" paved the way for social change in America. He was not all good though. Thankfully, I am here to tell you how it really went down.

Jacob Riis came to America at the age of 21 in the year of 1870. He arrived in America with other large groups of immigrants who flooded urban areas in the years following the Civil War seeking prosperity in the more industrialized environment of the United States. There was seriously like 25 million people all moving to urban centers in America trying to get paid.

But no, these poor immigrants were not to get paid! ahahahahahhaha. In fact the demographics of American urban centers grew so huge that the more the immigrants arrived the more problems arose due to even the largest cities in the United States not having enough space to house them. So, Riis found himself just another poor immigrant in New York. Now I am quoting his wikipedia page here so I can only hope that this is true, "His only companion was a stray dog he met shortly after his arrival. The dog brought him inspiration and when a police officer mercilessly beat it to death, Riis was devastated. One of his personal victories, he later confessed, was not using his eventual fame to ruin the career of the offending officer. Riis spent most of his nights in police-run poor houses, whose conditions were so ghastly that Riis dedicated himself to having them shut down."

So what I have gathered here is that Jacob Riis, who lived in , albiet slummy, police housing when he first arrived in america claims that he didn't want to pay the police department back. Well, well, well. I hate to break it to you Jacob but guess what? When you closed down all of those police shanty towns you did ruin the said police officers life. He no longer had a job. I even heard that he killed himself and his entire family because he was so insecure in the fact that he was unable to pay for his family to eat or to pay the bills . This fate may have been avoided had there been low rent housing made available by the police, but no, that wasn't the case anymore. Thanks a lot Mr. Riis.

asshole.

Future Ballers?

2008-01-13T12:40:00.001-05:00

Would you believe that the second richest man in the world is from mexico? Seriously. Mexico. The man's name is Carlos Slim, which albiet is a pretty awesome name, this man is worth in excess of $59 billion dollars and he is from Mexico City!

It really makes you think about things. If a guy from Mexico can accumulate something like $60 billion dollars it is very encouraging to other people from very poor countries. Think about it, if you are a beggared youth from some impoverished country that you too have a chance to be a total baller. On top of it all, Carlos Slim is an a fat dude!!!

So what I wanted to do today was take a look at prospective ballers in upcoming generations.

Ho Chi Vatthana is an aspiring billionaire from Laos. Ho Chi is quickly becoming of of the top animal skinner in all of a growing Loasian population. He is currently in dissucions with several Vietnamese business men to bring his company national. With any luck he will be making the forbes top 400 list by 2092.

Since the disintegration of Yugoslavia in the 1990's there have been many entrepreneurs in Serbia trying to cash in with the new capitalist government. One of which is our next gentlemen to be profiled, Tomislav Milicic. Mr. Milicic is responsible for bringing the Olive Garden chain to Eastern Europe. He is also credited with the brilliant mind who thought up the uber successful "all you can eat pasta" campaign which is all the rage of America as we speak.

Who knows who could be next? I mean if you could come from the crumbling economies of Mexico, Laos or Serbia and put together that kind of scratch pretty much anything is possible, like becoming a cultural icon with no talent what so ever.

goals.

2008-01-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

New Year's is generally the time of year where people make resolutions. People think to themselves, "self, how can i better you?" Sadly, most of you can't do a damn thing to make yourselves better. You say, "oh, maybe i should stop smoking!" Or maybe you say, "I should start going to the gym." Once i even heard some freak suggest that he should take up the trombone.

Not me though. I have never made a lame new year's resolution. Sure, I have made some before. In 2001 I decided that I wanted to score more babes. I did. In 2004 I figured that I could use some more disposable income. Obviously, I accomplished that goal. This year though, this year I want a commemorative stamp made of me.

The first commerative stamp was issued in 1893 by postmaster general John Wannamaker. Other big wigs at the post office tried to fight him on his radical plan of commeratating people, places and events but ol' John said, look, idiot people will flock to this things and collect them. This will be a very profitable evdevaor for us. Needless to say, he was right and the post office proceeded to make it rain.

The controversial first commemorative stamps were the Columbian Exposition Series. Printed by the ABNC, or American Bank Note Company, the stamps were issued to commemorate the World Columbian Exposition held in Chicago, Illinois, from May 1 to October 30, 1893. The stamps were to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus's voyage to the New World. It is my feeling that there could not be a lamer reason to make stamps. How about a stamp to commemorate the 400th chick that i sneezed on.

Throughout history such people as Elvis, places like Canada, or events like the Special Olympics have been celebrated through the stamp. They also apparantly make stamps to coincide with the releases of blockbuster films.

So all I want to accomplish this year is getting my mug on a stamp. It would be useful too if you think about it. I mean, when women buy it they won't mind making out with the stamp before placing it on the letter.

better days.

2007-12-26T14:51:00.000-05:00

With it being the holiday season and all we here at making it rain have decided to review the best holidays in any given year. This will help you in that it will show you when and how it is best to demonstrate your mad cash flow.

#365-
Your birthday. You do not spend money on your birthday. All of those money hungry friends and leaches pay for your drinks on this night. With all of the loot you have foolishly wasted on their drug habits over the past year it is the very least those ungrateful peons can do for you.

#281-
New Year's Eve. It is fucking amateur hour out there. Everybody is looking to have the perfect kiss when the clock strikes twelve. Well, let those wieners who want to be in love have that night. The only thing that is perfect about meeting a woman with me is when she is walking out the door after blowing me.

#280-
Valentine's Day.
hahahahahahahahhaahahahahahah. yeah right. See i know what you were thinking. You would think that we would be all about that shit, right? wrong. Whereas we appreciate wiping out asses with money, burning it at our leisure, and drinking to the point that we black out, puke, then buy more drinks, we can not in any way condone showering one woman with gifts on this holiday. If you would like to show them the condoms that you just bought that look like one hundred dollar bills though, well, that is okay.

#69-
Any shorty's birthday. You find the hottest babe in the place and you make her yours. You take out your bill fold (or wallet, whichever you prefer) and you drop that wad of $100 bills right in front of her shorty face. She will be all like "OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE LIKE SOOOOO HOT, LOL!!!! WHAT IS YOUR NUMBER!?!?!?! LETS TEXT!!!!" Then you will be like, "awesome, i am going to buy this girl and all of her friends so many drinks that i might be able to sleep with all fifteen of them."

A Holiday Hero.

2007-12-07T13:31:00.000-05:00

We here at makiing it rain have taken quite a long break from our writing. Worry not minions, at no point did we ever stop making it rain. Our trails have taken us from Portland, OR to Scranton, Pa. From Buffalo, NY to Washington DC. From NYC to Louisville, KY and just about everywhere inbetween. During these travels there was one person who we were trying to live up to. There is really only one dude who is bad enough to toss around bills to the ground at a quicker pace than like sub prime morgatge lending rates. That man, possibly, is the only dude who can both literally and figuretivley make it rain.

My man, J.C. With his birthday coming up and all we figured it is about time to honor the first man to really, really make it rain.

Long before we came around there was pacman jones. Before pacman came James Brown. Before James Brown came Leon Trotsky(the man left for mexico and lived on the beach for the rest of his life). Before Trotsky came this guy....

And before little asian dudes tossing around twenties like his name was method man there was the big man, JC.
Merry Christmas, cheddar shredders.

Vacation (Part I)

2007-08-20T16:52:00.000-04:00

So the other day after slaving most of my way away to the man i decided to kill sometime on the old internet. I regularly read many news blogs, econ blogs and things of the like so that i am kept updated on such current events as the political climate of Sierra Leone or if the bush twins have been caught doing anything sexy recently.

So imagine my surprise when i stumbled across this chart about young people's drinking habits in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

So I hopped on the next plane and decided it was time to show that town how to be a money mauler.

My first stop was a local shop where i asked the woman behind the counter who the richest, most famous man in minneapolis was. She told me the man's name was Carl Pohland, the owner of the minnesota twins. I said, "wrong answer bitch, you are looking at him!"

After being escorted out of the store, I went to a local brew pub and ordered the most expensive beer that they had. From there I began discussing how pitiful their basketball team would be without kevin garnett and then i told them that their football team of choice was truly mediocre!

Then I put twenty dollar bills in front of my eyes and ran out of the bar like a fucking maniac!

At this time i went to a local 5 star hotel that i noticed had quite a nice water park. I thought, what better place to find some bitch to suck my dick.

Believe it or not I ran into another problem while i was at the swimming pool. So i was just swimming around, flexing and showing all of the babes in the pool what a giant wad of cash that i had in my shorts when all of a sudden the drain got clogged...

money, money, money, money, moneeeeey

2007-08-09T23:18:00.001-04:00

todd gotmon?....more like ted dibiase!

everyone has price...everyone's gotta pay
click the link

big game huntin'

2007-08-09T02:31:00.000-04:00

When you have more money than you know what do with the little things in life no longer amuse you. The big game hunters of the days of yore definetely noticed this.
Throughout history, hunting was seen as a source of providing food for ones family.
But what if you already have enough money to eat caviar for every meal and you still have a lingering blood lust... You buy a big ass gun and plane trip to Africa and go kill some shit for fun.

Take a look at one of America's most beloved novelists, Ernest Hemmingway. A man mostly known for his understated writing style ultimately couldn't contain his machismo and had to express his manly hood with big ass gun. This guy wrote books about killing stuff! It must have made him a fortune too because he was able to afford killing the most exotic of animals for sport. And when he got bored of killing leopards and catching marlin he decided that it was time to hunt the ultimate game, himself.

I can definetely agree with his lifestyle because when you try one thing you always want something better and more expensive. This goes the same for drinks, entertainment, women, and even food. That is why during my trip to the local pizza parlor, which you may not think would provide anything delectable to dine on, I decided that I should eat only toppings made with beasts that could eat me.
I saw Pepporoni, I saw Veggie, but then I saw Alligator and I knew I must consume it.
Sure it was expensive but what tastes better than letting all the man eaters out there know that you just ate their mother for lunch.

What's next? Shark sushi...Lion tacos.

WARNING! This post may contain baller antics.

2007-07-29T20:26:00.000-04:00

Sure, I acknowledge that Thursdays are pretty sweet in Buffalo. However everyone knows that it is only the day before Friday, the gateway to the weekend.
Fortunately for me my place of employment is also down with wasting its money while getting its party on. It's a pretty awesome feeling to know that you are making loot while pounding glasses of champagne on the job.

Once I was done making money for drinking, it was time to go out and enjoy the weekend. Naturally I gravitated to an establishment that serves some of Portland's tastiest micro brews. Pitchers of this stuff can get mighty expensive. So much in fact that you might think only rock stars could afford them. And you would be exactly right. While chilling out on the patio, none other than Britt Daniel of Spoon rolled up and grabbed a seat right next to me. He must have been there to free up some extra space in his wallet after releasing his new band's new hit album. He obviously brought his lady there to show her how much money he has and to get her drunk. As you would expect he was a bit self conscious of himself after noticing that I was drinking a much more expensive brew that was obviously better tasting than his own. Fortunately for him I had a party to get to.

By this time I had grown tired of drinking deliciously expensive handcrafted beers loved by local rock stars, so I decided to go with a beverage consumed by rappers. Those of you who are fellow listeners may be familiar with a beverage called sizzurp. For those of you who are totally lame, it is a concoction of Vodka, couch syrup, and hard candy. Rappers often praise this witches' brew for its ability to totally mess you up. Once I rolled up to the party (casually late of course) people quickly noticed that I was drinking something way better than their zimas and mike's hard lemonade.

And to think this was just the start of my weekend.

Another thursday night.

2007-07-27T14:42:00.000-04:00

As far as days go in the city of buffalo, no day really compares to thursday. The entire city makes their way downtown to get totally wasted and flaunt their cash. There is one problem with thursdays though, the reason that everyone goes downtown is because there is a free concert series featuring national bands. Now, if there is something free going on and a lot of people are going to be there it is a recipe for baller enemy number one, the homeless dude who wants all of my cash.

Now I know what you are thinking, shouldn't a cheddar shredder such as myself enjoy handing out money. I mean there couldn't possibly any easier way to spend money that giving it to some bum so he can buy some little debbie snack pies or some shit, right? wrong. I mean why can't I just walk down the street without having to see one of you stupid fucking bums who always want my money.

So here is what i am thinking, everybody knows about bum fights and things of the like. I do not feel as if exploiting the homeless is a fair option. Maybe we could kill them off one by one. Perhaps by electrocution or maybe by picking them up and then throwing them repeatedly on the ground.We saw how well that went for fellow baller mike vick though so maybe that is not in our best interest. The only way that i can deal with this will be buying one of them a suit and having him carry around all of my shit for me. Kind of like a man purse but you know, a person to carry all of it around so i don't have a bulge in my pockets from my cell phone or over stuffed wallet. I figure i will pay him in quarters and cigarettes to be my assistant. He will carry my shit, take phone calls, laugh at all of my jokes. This shit will be fly.

Now there is one problem with this, there are more people with homes than homeless people. So not everyone will get to have a homeless companion. But hey, everyone in the whole world has a job then and maybe one day the rest of you will know how to spend one hundred dollars at a bar, puke, then spend twenty more before you pass out.
which i did last night.

Other uses for money.

2007-07-26T17:20:00.000-04:00

As long time readers of this blog already know, we here at making it rain have an affinity for lighting our cigarettes with money. Just the other day i was thinking to myself, "Hey Baller, there has to be other things you can light with $5o bills than cigarettes!" So i pondered for hours walking around my very spacey, apartment which is located in the nicest neighborhood in all of Buffalo. For hours i just sat there pacing. Smoking cigarettes, taking one drag and putting it out then lighting another. You see, most people take twenty drags of a cigarette and are done. Not me though, I take one drag from twenty different cigarettes and then i buy another pack and do it again.

Yet i digress. I strolled into my over sized walk in closet and i see a wide variety of expensive versace suits. I figure If Seinfeld wouldn't trade dinner at mendy's for one that it deserves no place in my closet.

As I continued to walk through my town house i noticed a copy of the catcher in the rye on my bookshelf. I remembered hearing at one point during high school that during the 50's that people would ritualistically burn copies of that book. So I thought, "what the fuck, might as well give that a shot." So then I pulled out a $100 bill and my lighter...

Thankfully, I am a baller so I always have a fire extinguisher hanging around.

Then I gave my friends, the rock group electric six, a call because i heard that they like to start fires with $500 bills.

happy hour

2007-07-26T15:17:00.000-04:00

After a long day of slaving away at work, people generally can't wait to go out and get drunk and grub out. This urge is evident in all cultures whether it be the Italian apertivo or Spanish tapas.
However most cultures view the drink as a precursor to the meal, not Americans though...we want to have fun and we wanna get wasted.

Most recently I was out listening to my friend dj and it happened to be happy hour. The establishment which I was patronizing (in both senses of the word) offers reduced prices on certain items during this time in hopes to attract clientele, most specifically well drinks. However, as a baller I refuse to drink swill therefore I demanded that the bartender fix me a Manhattan with all top shelf ingredients. After she was finished explaining that she could make me something comparable with well drinks, I politely responded that I prefer only the finer things in life and that I would also like a shot of Patron.

After quickly running up a bar tab in excess of $40 in about 2 and a half hours, I realize that only a few other sophisticates noticed me lavishly wasting my money while others sipped Hamms'. This required me to take dramatic action. I immediately removed a bill from my wallet and proceeded to light a cigarette with it. This of course created quite a stir. During the commotion a nice young lady happened to spill her drink, which I immediately wiped up using some money. The bartender, however, did not take note of my chivalry and instead insisted that I put out the money because it was a fire hazard. I then immediately rectified that situation with a generous tip.

Well I guess that I am going to have to start carrying around a fire extinguisher at the rate which I'm burning through money.

Love 'em or Hate em'.

2007-07-25T18:39:00.000-04:00

Love 'em or Hate 'em is the latest of columns on making it rain. It will profile different men from history that display both awesome traits and not so awesome traits. this week, Barry Bonds.

Barry Bonds is on the verge of breaking, arguably, the biggest sports record of all time. Now, ordinarily this would be celebrated from coast to coast. Children from every city where Bonds was playing would wait outside the stadium hoping, neigh praying, that they could catch a glimpse of the much celebrated slugger. Alas, that is not the case. For this is Barry Bonds and he is not white.

There is a long history of hating things that are not white. For example, did you know a white man shot Martin Luther King? It's true.

And what about jelly beans? Way to make the shittiest flavour black. Jelly Belly are a bunch of bigoted assholes who also seem to have it out for Barry Bonds.

And you know what, i don't think that their would be throngs of people ready to murder Ryan Sandberg breaking the home run record.

I think that america is just hating on the black man. I mean who can personify the american dream of becoming super rich more than Barry Bonds who has gone from a scrawny, pimpled teenager to an oversized, pimply 40 year old.

Verdict: Personally, I hate the son of a bitch because he shot himself full of horse steroids but i love the fact that he wanted to be the baddest dude making the most cheddar.

making dreams come true...

2007-07-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

Playing the lottery is perhaps the perfect paradigm for our lifestyle. It basically involves a bunch of people frittering away their money day after day in hopes that they can someday fulfill their lifelong dream.
But let me tell you something, you don't have to wait to win the lottery to start wasting money on your lifelong dreams. In fact, you don't even have to wait until you've finished earning said money before you waste it. This is a common mistake, people often think they cannot start spending their money until they have left their job.

This reminds me of a recent lifelong dream I fulfilled while working for the man the other day.
A long, long time ago back in my salad days, I was unaware about how to waste money and I bet a friend that he could "eat an onion like an apple." Unfortunately he did not eat it. Possibly because I did not either offer him enough cream to weaken his morals or maybe he was a pussy.

Well it just so happened that some lady brought in a sack of onions the other day. And believe you me, I was prepared to squander as much ass possible to watch somebody cram an onion down their throat. Luckily for me people are willing to do all sorts of stupid crap for just a few dollars. So I casually laid the bet out there and of course some 38 year old jumped at the chance. I'll tell you what, there is no greater feeling than watching a grown ass man humiliate himself by eating an onion like an apple for $10.00.

The point is, if you don't have a job and aren't willing to waste any money than none of your dreams will.

Baller of the Week

2007-07-24T21:27:00.000-04:00

Anytime your night out includes magnums of Dom Perignon and 6 coca colas, your a virtual lock for this award.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070724/od_nm/nightclub_champagne_dc

Fuck you Ida Tarbell

2007-07-23T22:24:00.000-04:00

[Insert fake tears here] The standard oil company put your father out of business. what a shame. That is hardly a reason to start hating on the late great John Rockefeller. The dude was just trying to make some cash and you had to go and write "The history of the standard oil company" Well, on behalf of good ol' J.R the writers here at making it rain want to give you a big old fuck you.

Then the New York Times deems it appropriate to label your book the 5th best book of the 20th century? Why? Because you uncovered some sort of faux monopoly? I do not intend to sound redundant but fuck you. You know what I am thinking Ida, I am thinking that given the time period of your coming of age that maybe you should have chosen another profession.

Actually, now that i think about it maybe you would have been better served being it some sort of freak show, you commie bitch.

In the event that anyone did not understand that joke i am insinuating that she is ugly.

can't stop, won't stop

2007-07-22T22:28:00.000-04:00

Did you ever notice that when you're doing totally awesome shit people want to take pictures of you doing it? Me too. And that's exactly what happened to me a couple weeks back.
I was chilling at my doods' when we just decided to do some O.G. shit. Thank god my boy Ryan Courter had some expensive ass digital camera to photograph us doing it.

For all you wanting to know how to live the baller lifestyle but just haven't seen enough rap videos just scroll down and you're in for a treat.

When you have a lot of money, you're always concerned about how to get more. Not only do you get money by working but you also get it by playing (dice games). Sometimes purchasing material goods just doesn't give you enough a thrill you need and that's why you should gamble.

Gambling is perhaps the ultimate show of one's own disregard for their own wealth. There is not quicker way to foolishly loose vast amounts of earnings....or at least that's what the losers say. Possibly the only thing better than foolishly spending your own money is watching others foolishly spending theirs. THROW DEM BONES!

I would definitely have to agree with the statement "The rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer."

There is, unfortunately, one downside to carrying boatloads of the green stuff on you. And that's because others want it. Look at that dood in the background whose money I just took on the dice table. He wants it back, but guess what... I already wasted it down at the store. And this is why you need some protection.

My life versus your life.

2007-07-22T20:45:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, sometimes,as a wise man once said, pimpin' aint' easy. I mean, to spend money, you have to work. Work as defined by dictionary.com is exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil. Now to dumb that down for some of you, that means that you do something for something. I.E you can't get aboard the ho train unless you give up some of your time for the man.

What comes with this exertion or effort directed to produce something is the life style that many americans have come to know as getting paid. Without getting paid you can never make it rain. Without slaving to the man you are never going to be able to flaunt your cheddar. Most importantly without some cash in your pocket, well, lets just say that the ladies won't exactly be waiting around for you.

But hey, this life isn't cut out for everyone. It takes a special kind of person to go out knowing that he is going to be spending more than the gross national product of the Congo. Not everyone is ready for the life of having fly biddies approaching him from every which direction begging him to take them back to his place, where the magic happens.

But hey, if you want to live the lifestyle and just don't have the benjimans to back it up, there is always an option for you.

you queer.

hating it rain

2007-07-22T16:59:00.000-04:00

While honoring those who have enough money in order to spend it frivolously, one must also contemplate those who have stood in their way. Specifically those who see misappropriation of wealth a bad thing. Fuck you Karl Marx!

Personally, I can find many ways to redistribute my wealth without having some rigid governmental structure telling me what to do with it. I see tossing handfuls of cash at a stripper as no different than the version of wealth redistribution which Mr. Marx proposes. Am I the only one drawing parallels between "the working class" and the "working girl" ? Except in my utopia the proletariat is way hotter and gives you boners.

captains of industry

2007-07-22T16:14:00.000-04:00

Oftentimes while doing baller ass shit I take time to reflect on those who share the same wanton disregard for spending money. I sometimes find myself reminiscing about the good ol' days when railroad and steel barons were king. And for his ability to get his name on as much shit as possible, Andrew Carnegie will hold a special place in my heart.

What could be sweeter than having so much money that you just have buildings erected solely to have your name on them. Some might call it philanthropic but what is philanthropy anyways? Outwardly it would appear that is a benevolent act of giving back to a society which has given you so much. I beg to differ, it is simply letting all those poor schlubs know what fuckin' time it is and that they should bow down to you because you are such a baller.

The act of buying shit for others in order to let them know that they are forever indebted to you reminds me of a modern day "philanthropist," Michael Vick.

I guess having so much loot that you can buy houses for your family is a bad thing these days. All the haters out there want to bring him down simply because his name was on the lease. Owning property isn't a crime but apparently dog fighting is. And what if you consider those dogs property? Owning sentient creatures only to dispatch of them for your own personal amusement is surely a litmus test for how much of a baller you must be!

Have no fear though, if having enough chedder can get you into these sorts of binds then it can surely get you out! God bless the U.S.A. (capitalism)!

dollar, dollar bills ya'll.

2007-07-22T09:42:00.000-04:00

The art of spending money foolishly is a lot like jazz music. At first it may seem totally nonsensical and foolish. It helps if you have a total lack of foresight and utter and complete disregard for paying your bills. I mean, why spend money on bills when you can spend it on things that leave you with nothing other than the title of "baller". With jazz, you have to have a loose plan. You have be very talented. Other than that, it is all free game. Playing off of the other people in the band, the crowd, the energy of the venue. Just like spending $80 dollars at a bar in an hour and a half.

Doing nothing on the other hand is a lot like playing the blues. It is lazy, repetitive and frankly sort of boring. It is exactly like sitting on your couch all day, not working and not spending large amounts of money for no reason other than the thrill of pulling out a one hundred dollar bill and putting it on the bar just because there is a hot chick sitting next to you.

In conclusion, Thelonious Monk and Ornette Coleman spent money like it was going out of style. Robert Johnson and dudes with no teeth do not. Also, if you play the blues you do not have one of these, unless you are Eric Clapton of course.

Mission Statement.

2007-07-21T21:42:00.000-04:00

Making it rain is a blog devoted to how my friends and i callously blow through our money with utter disregard to savings. We will discuss purposely leaving out credit cards in places that we know they will get stolen and failing to report them as stolen. We make it clear that we have been known to light cigarettes with currency, and big bills too.

Ultimately, the goal of this blog is to make it very clear that doing nothing, not working and not spending money is totally lame. Spending money, getting dick sucks and puking your money away is the way to live. And we definitely hate bicycles.

In the coming weeks and months we will discuss hero's of ours. Forefathers if you will. The older generation of men who taught us how to make it rain perhaps. Or just throw money around like a thousand-aire.

Sure, maybe we don't have a million dollars. Hell, we might barley have a thousand. Either way that makes no difference to us. The goal is to have fun and get wasted.

So keep checking back, we will be updating often on our drunken spending sprees. Or maybe other things. There is one thing that we won't be updating about though. And that is doing nothing.